Cow's bloggy thingy

2009-05-10T20:01:00.002-04:00

Maybe I should blog again.

I started up a twitter account, and it's okay for posting the shitty little puns that pop up in my head all day long, but something about it is.. wrong. I suppose there isn't anything worth saying that takes more than 140 characters, but there isn't any way to have fun saying it with less than that.

After seven nerve-wracking years, I'm finally graduating college. With a degree I no longer want. Oops. Not the point. The point, is that I've now got the paper that tricks people into thinking I'm mildly competent.

As much as I hate it, I do need to give school credit for keeping me mentally engaged. Even though it, at its worst, feels like mindless memorization, taking the time to stop and realize that requires some level of cognizance. Regardless of whether or not I'm always learning, I want to keep my brain active. Not to say that one ever stops thinking, but I'm rather afraid of complacency. I hope I never accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed. I guess that's where the writing comes in. Keep the dissatisfaction lively and verbose to cultivate the mind, or some such bollocks. If three years from now my fulltime job is writing half assed code in a cubicle, I'll have failed at that cultivating thing. So don't be afraid to call me on that if you catch it.

Plan is to go to China. Learn some more Chinese, approach fluency. I'd love to translate books and movies and the like, but that seems like more of a pasttime than a profession. Would be tempted to come back stateside and return to school so as to become a foreign language teacher. See if I can impart to others whatever the hell it is that makes it so easy for me. Who knows.

2007-10-06T11:00:00.000-04:00

おひさしぶり。。。i had to write a critique over the summer of a place i dislike. I felt it imperative that I express the importance of not letting me write a negative piece.

Best Buy is huge. A set of large glass doors welcome you inside by sliding open automatically when prompted with your presence. A man in yellow shirt temporarily halts his activity to distractedly greet you. The back wall is placed some hundreds of feet from where you entered – the middle ground decorated with aisles full of CDs, shelves full of DVDs, towering overstocked computer equipment on the side, and a veritable newsroom’s worth of giant televisions at the rear. The store is bustling with activity. People stop to casually study something that has caught their eye, picking it up and examining it from all angles; others moving hurriedly with their shopping carts, hoping to make it to the last item on their shopping list before they’re distracted by another shiny new gadget. Everywhere you look it seems like there’s another person donning a tucked in blue polo shirt and a pair of khakis, answering someone’s questions or hurriedly moving from one point to another, personifying “busy.” Beneath a mammoth ceiling and extensive walls, you’re overwhelmed with a sense of your insignificance. The underlying accuracy in this structure is dreadfully poetic.

“But consumers drive the economy!” the starry-eyed idealist replies. “People are the reason a store can thrive! The customer is always right!” It’s not unreasonable to feel this way, just inaccurate. To properly explain the relationships people hold within a store, I need to draw on an example given to me by my manager, and present it in the same terms in which it was given to me. Crude and inappropriate and scatological and as honest as anything can be. Retail is a pyramid of shit. The elite few up top, the corporate division, see something they don’t like (Not selling enough Service Plans? Accessory attachment rate too low? Too many returns?), and yell at the store’s manager. He calls a meeting, and yells at department managers. They do the same, and threaten the lowly sales representatives with their jobs. It all trickles down, and we pass the shit onto you, the consumer. Some faint semblance of sanity prevented me from ever climbing the wretched corporate structure beyond the level of sales grunt, so that’s where our story begins.

“You’re replaceable. There are tons of kids out there who want to work for Best Buy, we get applications every day. If you don’t want to do things our way, we won’t have any trouble finding someone else,” to paraphrase my orientation. Their bargaining piece. A job in high demand means you’re extra disposable. At a department meeting, we brought to the attention of an assistant manager our disapproval of a particular store policy (Do we really need to ask every customer their name?) “If you don’t like the path Best Buy is taking, maybe you should reevaluate your involvement in the company.” No matter how heavily caked in sugar it is, you know when someone is shitting on you. If you don’t like it, leave it. No “Talk to the General Manager”, not even a less committal and equally useless “E-mail corporate headquarters.” Love it or Leave it. Practice or Perish. Best Buy knows how to sell; just shut up and do it. You’re the bottom of the Pyramid. If you’re not too careful you fade into the merchandise. If you’re not bringing in enough money, you get phased out, without so much as a farewell tour on the clearance rack. And just like products, they stock themselves to the ceiling, filled with you for the Christmas season, several months in advance. As the overstock shelves try not to suffocate themselves with surplus, employees gasp for air between abysmal hours. Four hours this week. None the next. A breath of fresh air when everyone works fulltime (without benefits) for the Christmas season, and then its back to short, labored breaths. Sit back and watch someone who really needs the money finally asphyxiate, collapse, and quit, so you can breathe easy again. Without enough oxygen, the brain begins to die, piece by piece. Your empathy was the first thing to go. Now you’re truly ready to work retail.

You get sucked into the beast. You push subscriptions, service plans and overpriced accessories, not because you’re on commission, but because you’re trying to not get fired. Survival of the fittest. You adapt so as to not die. Corporate policies are dominant, and they devour anything else in the gene pool. You profile customers to exploit their weaknesses. “Barrys” are high-income men who like action movies and cameras. “Jills” are suburban moms who are busy, but still eager to please their family. “Buzzes” are Tech-geeks who have to have the latest technology to show off to their friends. They’re all easy targets. Target. Interrogate. Identify. Sell. Sell. Sell. Watch out for “Devil Customers”. Sometimes they’ll buy a product with a refund, mail it in, and then return the product. Equally bad, in Best Buy’s eyes, is when they come in and ask you questions about an item, and don’t buy it from you. They don’t bring in a profit, don’t bother helping them. Now you can’t even lie to yourself about how you’re at least helping people out of some altruistic desire to share the knowledge Best Buy certainly didn’t impart upon you. The only reason you’re taking your own time to learn more about the products you sell is so you can sell them faster. See if Barry wants a new HDTV for the Big Game. Jill’s family memories will be captured forever with a video camera. Money isn’t a problem, we have a store credit card. Six months no interest. You’ll have the money then, right? You can have the gratification now. Since you’re not spending real money anyway, why not get a service plan?

The Best Buy product service plan and product replacement plan provide “Maintenance, protection, reliability and more”. More, in this case, refers to perfectly bridging the gap between the disposables at the bottom of the retail pyramid, and the consumers they shovel onto. The beauty of a service plan, from a retail standpoint, is that it’s free money. It’s anywhere from $5 to $500 of sweet, untouched profit. For the consumer, it’s a game of chance. The electronics store becomes a casino. Your salesman is the dealer, stacking the chips in front of you higher and higher. This is a big investment. The Manufacturer’s warranty is only one year long. This purchase might even be to replace a broken counterpart. With any luck, we’ve got a broken display model – oh no, it’s well made, but bad things happen to good products. If you bring it in once, it pays for itself. The ante towers toward the ceiling, it’s hard not to cave. You crack, and go all in. If only casinos could make you feel so “protected” for blowing $100 on a game of blackjack. Best Buy smiles to itself and posts profits. That is, until the stuff actually breaks. Then those pesky consumers start eating away at our profits, and someone wins a hand once in a while. Fortunately our tech squad is well trained, and instead of identifying a problem or coming up with a solution, their first step is to see if there’s any way we can weasel out of it. There are four pages of tiny print in that pamphlet; you didn’t really read them, did you? We probably don’t cover whatever happened. Sometimes, we do cover it. In rare cases we’ll fix them, and in more common cases, we’ll just replace them entirely (a fun trick with laptops, and anything that has any sort of user specific storage.) But the prices for these plans are set very carefully by the Corporate. Market research has been done, profits have been analyzed. How comfortable are you betting against the House? A good casino doesn’t go out of business. You sacrifice a few patrons in the process, but it’s not really your problem. People keep coming back, and you keep selling them chances and possibilities. False peace of mind.

And the continual returns, the persistence, and the gluttony for punishment are what make the institution so strong. The businesses have always been like this, it’s what makes them get here. You can’t fight it from the inside without being so absorbed by it that you lose sight – and realistically, you’ll never make it to the top without fully accepting the basic principles of capitalism that make the whole operation so appalling. You could fight it from the outside. You could stop buying service plans, you could stop buying accessories, you could stop going entirely. But why? There’s a great sale on TVs this weekend. I’d hate to miss out.

2006-08-19T18:12:00.000-04:00

I try not to write or read movie reviews because they're boring and generally flawed. But god dammit Snakes on a Plane was amazing. You could easily write two review for this movie-- One is the review of a man who had only heard of the movie when he saw it at the theater, walked in expecting a simple action/thriller, and leaving appaled at the lack of anything resembling a coherent movie. This man gives Snakes on a plane a 2 out of 10, and makes a clever "Snakes on a Plain, as in vanilla and boring" joke in an attempt to justify why you should read his movie review over anyone else's -- after all, nothing says 'you can trust my opinion' than a smartassed quip. The other review is from a man who heard about this movie months ago, that it would be called 'Snakes on a Plane' and that a large portion of its existence is owed to Samuel L Jackson saying "Holy shit i want to be in a movie with that title". He went with a group of friends who knew exactly what to expect: A movie whose title is "Snakes on a Plane." An exercise in creating a cult classic B-movie entirely on purpose, with a big name star as your backup plan for this. The result is infathomable. I've honestly never laughed as long and as hard as I did at this movie than I have at ANY movie in YEARS. You just have to watch the directing, the lines, and the plot, and realize that this movie was genuinely created like this -- Someone had these ideas, and they made it onto the bigscreen in theatres nationwide. It's tacky and campy and absurd and it's entirely on purpose. The hilarity that ensues from this film is unparalleled in even modern comedy. Laughing at bad films is nothing new, but Snakes on a Plane creates an amazing target for it. Anybody can make a laughably bad movie-- I want to believe there was a committee of people created to make sure this movie revolutionzed that genre. The man who writes this review gives snakes on a plane a 9 out of 10.
Go see this movie with a group of friends who know what's going down and won't be afraid to laugh at the movie, people who understand what going to a movie called 'snakes on a plane' entails. If you go alone and aren't comfortable laughing solo at a tacky masterpiece, you will hate this movie.

2006-08-18T00:44:00.000-04:00

So, I've heard a lot about this 'blogosphere' thing. It occurs to me that you have to type the word 'blog' to get to this collection of whining, so I must be part of the blogosphere. With that said, I heard a rumour that there was a brazilian steakhouse coming to the norfolk/virginia beach area. Crazy places where men in cowboy hats bring an endless stream of meat, for an acceptable fee. I read this rumour on another blog somewhere, so I thought that i would spread it here. If my understanding of this 'blogosphere' is correct, I'll be dining in one of these restaurants next week. DO NOT FAIL ME INTERNET.

2006-02-12T21:39:00.000-05:00

God dammit Anthony.

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2006-02-02T11:53:00.000-05:00

Take THAT pop culture!

2005-12-26T03:40:00.000-05:00

I've always enjoyed this phrase for use in describing worst case scenarios, but I was never sure what the actual phrase was. According to the internet, it's most likely the boring one.
"Worse comes to Worse" - 100,000 results
"Worst comes to Worst" - 90,000 results (May be skewed because it is a song title)
"Worse comes to Worst" - 42,800 results
"Worst comes to Worse" - 3,400 results (This is my favorite incarnation personally. Go figure.)
(Results from Google searches for exact phrases)

2005-11-28T01:51:00.000-05:00

I want a bumper sticker that reads
"It is my greatest aspiration to alter your opinion on this controversial topic by simply stating my own opinion about it, as represented by a mass-produced sticker on the back of this vehicle."

2005-11-17T15:50:00.000-05:00

2005-11-04T12:07:00.000-05:00

Hahah, this is a very specialized joke (as usual, really). I feel kind of like a jerk posting images and making my page so very unfriendly to slower connections/computers
still.
This is the saga of Demir, the samurai seduced by the power of being a ranger, who then got royally boned by a fateful FFXI patch. (Though to be fair, they had it coming)

2005-11-03T12:59:00.000-05:00

Bears are becoming increasingly popular in the offbeat humour industry. They've always been something of a comedic ace-in-the-whole (The Clerks animation comes to mind), but now they're getting really big. Williams Street has always had a humorous relationship with bears (harvey birdman being the most current incarnation), and now with Stephen Colbert's at least once a week bear references, bears are going to enjoy a comedic high. This also means they're going to be overused, abused, and they're going to stop being funny in a few months. That's right -- Bears are getting too mainstream. What?

but seriously. Appreciate the bear comedy while you can. There's something special about it.

edit: I jacked an ascii bear, but it came out looking crappy when i was done.
boo.

2005-10-30T11:33:00.000-05:00

omgomgomgomg

seiken densetsu ds..
children of mana..
players: 1player-?players
dude. rock.

2005-10-24T00:38:00.000-04:00

Guy/Gerbil was a small, incredibly poorly drawn comic I had created my senior year of highschool, to occupy free time in Psychology and amuse myself and nearby friends. It was a bit odd, and of course, very hard to read. My handwriting is horrible, and me having to explain it usually made it a little bit funnier, or at least I smiled and repeated that in hopes that people would absorb that notion and accept it as a fact despite all signs pointing towards bullshit. Originally, when asked why the main characters were a guy and a gerbil, I would come up with a different, weird answer every time, or just say 'Why the hell not?' Though now it occurs to me that a major reason for a main character being a gerbil was that my stick figure drawing is so poor that really, the only way to differentiate one character from another would be for one of them to be a quadraped with a rounded body. It was okay while it lasted, but eventually the school year ended, and I drew the last guy/gerbil comic in a friend's yearbook(and the first and last girl/gerbil comic in another, more feminine natured yearbook). I tried to resurrect it digitally, but drawing stick figures is entirely too difficult for what it is in ms paint, and honestly, Can i see a show of hands for people who would *not* punch me if I bought a wacom pad to draw a stick figure comic? None? Yeah. My hand wasn't up either. But, humor struck me in the face today, and like an under sated masochist I just had to relive the moment. Guy/Gerbil was revived for that purpose.

2005-09-29T21:45:00.000-04:00

This really isn't funny.
But i have to try to find some joy in webassign, the online pay-to-use check your answers to make sure they're right and have an annoying deadline homework service.

2005-09-07T14:53:00.000-04:00

Do you think doctors at Abortion Clinics have malpractice insurance?

Because i mean, really. What would stand up in court against the defense "Who the hell are you to point fingers about making mistakes?"

2005-08-25T02:02:00.000-04:00

the advances of social activist movements have netted us a lot, including a friendly reminder that companies are not allowed to in any way discriminate in their hiring practices, and promise that any job I want is about four times more likely to go to a girl or minority rather than me. I feel that, though these companies are trying, their application process is still a bit out of the loop. I don't believe that applications properly represent a group of Americans that is growing larger every day -- namely, the chronically depressed. I have taken the liberty of creating a model example of a non discriminating job application that will properly include this otherwise ignored group of people.
1. Name (Last, First, Middle Initial, Nasty insult you're pretty sure everyone uses to refer to you behind your back):_______________________________________
2. Work experience. Please list your last job, position held, and manager's name _____________________________________________
May we contact your former manager?
_Yes
_No
_I'm going to say yes because i really need this job, but please god don't call him he hates me =(
3. Evaluate these statements in context of yourself and answer them as brutally honestly as you can.
Statement 1. I have important things to say
A. Entirely True
B. Somewhat True
C. Not very true
D. Who the hell are you kidding?
Statement 2. People say I'm a natural leader
A. All of the time
B. Some of the time
C. Rarely
D. People don't say anything about me. (anything nice, that is)
Statement 3. I enjoy working with people.
A. Entirely True
B. Somewhat True
C. Not Very True
D. I hate working with people.
Statement 4. I take criticism well.
A. Entirely True
B. Somewhat True
C. Not Very True
D. I've locked myself in my room and cried for hours on end for less.
Statement 5. I have a strong commitment to my work.
A. Entirely True
B. Somewhat True
C. Not Very True
D. Exertion gives me a rash.

I would describe myself as(circle all that apply):
Hard-Working Generous Caring

Dedicated Self-Sufficient Competent

A Leader A Good Listener Charismatic

A Waste of Space A Tragic Disaster Worthless

List Two people (not related to you) who we may call as references:

1. Name___________________________ Years Known_________
How you know them:___________________________________
Phone Number we may reach them at: (___)___-____
Did you just make this person up because you have no friends?(circle one) Yes No
If so, did you at least have the humorous courtesy to say their phone number was 867-5309? Yes No

2. Name___________________________ Years Known_________
How you know them:___________________________________
Phone Number we may reach them at: (___)___-____
Did you just make this person up because you have no friends?(circle one) Yes No
If so, did you at least have the humorous courtesy to say their phone number was 867-5309? Yes No

Thank you for completing this application. Please bring it by the store and hand it to any employee and pray it isn't one of the 4 out of every 5 applications that is thrown out by our bitter manager without so much as a passing glance. We probably won't call you for an interview because you probably won't be selected, so don't get your hopes up.

2005-08-16T15:01:00.000-04:00

For starters: I saw the commercial for the new chicken sandwiches at McDonald's, and because my conviction of not eating at McDonald's anymore because i don't like the food there is broken by something as simple as the statement, "Let's go to McDonald's", tasty looking breaded chicken had no trouble swaying me. I got the Ranch BLT Chicken Sandwich because I was pretty sure I liked Ranch Sauce. Evidently, I was quite mistaken. It was this nasty, warm, salty concoction that is as disgusting as I assume semen to be, and worse yet, bad enough to make me not enjoy a chicken sandwich. Thoroughly disappointed, I dunked the remaining third of my sandwich in the trash along with my cup, too distracted to even get that one list refill to make myself a tiny bit less bitter about paying close to two dollars for maybe 16 ounces of soda.

Also: I assume a hefty chunk of the people who watched Comedy Central's Roast of Pamela Anderson were probably there for the breasts with a side order of seethrough shirt, but in the process of flipping I stopped for a different reason. With a simple glance I was enamored with the most magical Jew I've ever seen:

Seen here groping a poster, Sarah Silverman is .. well, hot. A Comedienne with the air of being sweet and innocent but is in all reality loud and offensive, she's pretty much my kind of woman. For a short while I considered pursuing a career in standup comedy with the lofty and unlikely goal of one day becoming big enough to meet her and awkwardly mumbling "Oh.. er .. hi" and not really making a big deal of it at the time, but I stopped dead short when it hit me: I'm not all that funny. Disappointed and kind of embarassed for having dreams or anything related to that concept(From an early age I told myself the Elementary School councelors who told me it was important for me to set goals would be proven wrong, which in retrospect was actually kind of a goal, but sufficiently rebellious and negative to satisfy my blatant opposition), I relegated myself to writing on my blog that she is attractive and leaving it at that.

2005-08-06T02:22:00.000-04:00

I think that, in the process of blogging, I somehow.. blogged myself into a corner. I had been making posts I somehow thought significant, and important. I seemed to have tricked myself into believing i had anything important to say, and when I didn't have anything important to say I just wouldn't say anything. The problem with developing standards is you'll simply stop producing altogether. the reality of the situation is that when people are creating crap, they're still creating it. If you stop to only create the best, you'll become too critical of everything and end up completely stopping all production. The blog of an entirely amateur writer is in no way a place where I should let anything like "Standards" get in the way of production. It could very well be I had nothing worthwhile to say all this time, but it's not like I'm getting paid.

To that end, today I'll be talking about the microwave in my house. The epitome of high tech gadgetry, when you press the "Popcorn" button, it gives you 3 options. Pressing 1 cooks a small(half sized) bag of popcorn. Pressing 2 cooks a regular sized bag of popcorn. If You're a dipshit who accidentally presses 3 and doesn't realize until much later, you'll learn that pressing 3 is for BURNING THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF a regular sized bag of popcorn. I don't know if it was some kind of subconscious curiosity or just me being a complete dumbass, but whatever the case, i have NEVER seen popcorn burn so bad, in all my years. I'm willing to bet popcorn hasn't even seen popcorn be burned that bad. It was really bad. There was a huge chunk of charcoaly looking popcorn inside, as I discovered by blatantly ignoring the warnings on the side of the bag that clearly read something like WARNING: STEAM IS HOT YOU SHITHEAD, DON'T LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THE FUCKING BAG. The rising steam, was, well, really freaking hot, and went down my throat and into my eyes. It probably wasn't as bad as it could've been, but it still hurt. The popcorn was so hot that I had to run the bag under cold water before putting it in the trash can, because I'm pretty sure if I hadn't the resulting house fire would've at least tripled last years popcorn related death toll. I cooked some more popcorn, and, it wasn't really that good. I wonder if risking my life is really worth salty badness.

EDIT: This just in! I made there be comments again. Enetations had been down for.. uh.. probably half a year or something. So, I fixed that. Let me know if I screwed up somewhere. Thanks much to the folks at http://comment.quodlibet.be/ for having free, easy to use commenting. If my blog explodes.. or something, let me know.

2005-05-06T03:49:00.000-04:00

Substitution for lack of content..

a joke you won't get..

and if you get it, you'll hate it.

2005-02-14T06:27:00.000-05:00

Now hiring: Insomniac for my AIM buddy list

Interested? Here are some qualities applicants should possess:
- Be online at times such as 6:20 am, without an away message, and not idle.
- Have Timely, Witty responses. Preferably within 5 minutes, and at least 50% of the time containing more than "heh" to let me know you're still listening.
- Must not call me a hypocrite if I go to bed before they do.
- Must Have interesting things to distract me with. If I'm up at 6 am and online, I probably wouldn't mind some interesting input, however,
- Must not get upset if I'm actually up this late doing work and don't respond.
- Links me to pictures of adorable animals at random intervals if they think I'm having a bad night.

There is some leeway in these rules, but I hope to weed out applicants who aren't serious about this position with them.

Interested persons should contact FyreCow.

2005-02-04T20:24:00.000-05:00

ATTN: World

If I wanted vague song lyrics, I'd look them up or,God forbid, listen to music.
Not check your profile.
Shit.

2005-01-15T05:56:00.000-05:00

I could swear I've posted this picture before, but I really can't find it up here and I'm occasionally reminded of how great it is. This isn't mine. I don't even remember where I downloaded it from.

It was originally named "Shootdogmoch.jpg", but I'm pretty sure I made that filename up like 9 years ago when I downloaded it. If this is your work and you're angry at me for showcasing your humor, do lemme know.

2004-11-16T17:16:00.000-05:00

Congratulations Valve. You decided to take the big step in anti-piracy by requiring half life 2 be registered online, even to play in single player offline, effectively edging out an admittedly small portion of the market that doesn't have an internet connection. And you know what that got you? Half life 2 is already out. Sure, it wasn't leaked before the release date, but all in all, You failed. It didn't take Emporio, the group who seems to have released the first retail of half life 2, 24 hours to bypass your we require online registration, also steam anti-piracy measure. So now there are people without internet connections who can't play half life 2, and software pirates aren't affected in the least. Hell, they don't even have to install Steam. Kudos guys. Kudos.

2004-11-05T15:40:00.000-05:00

The tape-up demon strikes again!

Okay, here's the story.
So my friend Hector is very liberal.
Crowd: How liberal is he?
He's so liberal that.. uh.. well i dunno. but anyways, he's liberal as all hell. So, we're walking down my hall at college, he sees a bush/cheney 04 poster on a door, and rips it down in a fit of rage. He then takes it into our living room, rips it into pieces, and throws it in the trash. Now, I don't particularly condone this, in fact it was sort of immature. But it was still funny, and It's no secret that I'm not exactly thrilled America still thinks Bush is a reasonable choice for president. So, on the defensive, the guys from the room who formerly had a bush poster on their door put up a sign, covered in duct tape, reading "YOU CAN STEAL OUR SIGN, BUT YOU CANT(sic) TAKE OUR PRESIDENT".
.. huh? That completely doesn't make sense, you just took a quote from braveheart and tried to apply it to your situation, and did so miserably. Hector wasn't trying to take your president. He hates your president. With a passion.
But, then I got to thinking. What makes them so sure I can't take their president?
There was only one answer for this, and I taped it on their door.

[edit: Fixed because websites actually care about their bandwidth, go figure.]

2004-11-04T21:18:00.000-05:00

"I can't see what's happening! Are we boned?"
"Yeah. We're boned."

(Excuse me...) (/shout) (Please forgive me.) Passport (Do you have it?) (Please invite me.)

2004-10-18T17:23:00.000-04:00

So one of the campus Sororities, Gamma Phi Beta, is having some kind of person absorbtion activity where they sit around and watch Sex in the city in their pajamas. Now, If I was a girl, and I liked Sex in the City or pajamas, I think this'd be awesome. I'd totally show up in PJs with a fuzzy teddy bear and a pint of Ben and Jerry's "Ultra Quadruple Holy Hell thats a lot of Chocolate." Ice cream. At any rate, we recently discovered a sign taped over one of the ads, with this written on it:
"
America is soon to be judged by God and is termed "Babylon the Great" in Revelation 18

The Modern-Day Laodicean Incorporated Christian Church is also under the judgment of God and is part of the Whore of Babylon in Revelation 17

False Doctrine and False Salvation abound in the apostate churches and all true followers of Jesus Christ must "Come Out of Her" [sic]

Now is the time to seek Jesus Christ with all of your heart, mind, and soul.
"
Now, none of this makes much of any sense, but near as I can tell someone is being sanctimonious and complaining about the show Sex in the City. Now the latter I can deal with, because I don't happen to like the show, even a tiny bit. But sanctimonious, especially in a fashion that oppresses someone else's ideas and defaces something of theirs, is a bit much. The little information flyer (which is complete with websites for information and an email address in the small font below this text, though you can't make any of it out in the photo I took), clearly states that God is going to be doing the judging. God will be judging America(and evidently just America. I wonder if that only applies to the lower 48 states, or if Hawaii and Alaska are subject), and specifically will be judging the Laodicean church, who is part of some whore compilation thing. God will be judging. God. Not that I particularly agree with this particular random tangent of the Christian Faith, but the note clearly told me that God would be judging us. So it's not your job, Sam from CNU, of the Laodicean church, to judge me, the sorority girls, or Sex in the City. This means there is absolutely no good reason for you to to attempt to censor us because we don't fall into your offshoot of Christianity because we may or may not enjoy television shows that have the word 'Sex' in the title. Upon further review, I don't even know what the flying Frogs your poster had to do with what you covered up, but I can only assume you felt it your job to pass judgment on it on the spot, and deem it unworthy of heaven. You're not God, and I'm pretty sure that even if God were to function the way you envision him, he wouldn't be pleased that you're taking his job into your own hands, and being a dick about it.

As a concerned student who has about as much backing to post random things over other people's posters as anyone else who received no prior permission to do so, I retaliated with about a quarter sheet of paper with this written on it:
"

And so it was written:

“Don’t put your posters on top of other people’s posters for the sole purpose of being a self-righteous quack.”

The Book of Bovines, the NEW new testament.
25% more Hypocrisy, 25% less Oppression!

2004-09-27T02:22:00.000-04:00

Our campus is rapidly changing and growing. Everywhere you look there's an underpaid worker wiping the sweat off his brow and eye-humping passing blondes between the arduous tasks of lifting heavy stuff and hammering things, or a large green wall attempting to hide these men from us, as if to stealthily erect new buildings so we're surprised when they magically appear in a few years.
But as with all things in life, bringing in the new means forsaking the old, and brings us far from the state of mind we were once in inside our former surroundings. This is something many people neglect to consider, and I feel it is important to preserve our history whenever possible, by immortalizing our memories of it in sarcastic glory. The CNU student center is a place where students go. Plans to renovate and add onto this sacred place are slowly rearing their heads from behind a great green wall of obfuscation. With that said, I present to you a tour of the Christopher Newport University Student Center, Fall 2004.

Approaching from the North, short of the entrances reserved for those of the theatrical persuasion, the first entrance open to people who aren't preoccupied with looking down their nose at you and prancing about in tights are the double doors from other side, each equipped with a handicapped entry button about 6 feet before them. It's important to note that while the consideration for the rights of those of us who suck at opening doors would otherwise be well appreciated by those who require them, you have to jab at them for about a minute for them to consider opening, and even then they take their time reluctantly opening for you, like large, glass-laden car salesmen who realize you're only going for a test drive because it'd be fun but are obligated to allow it anyways. To one side is theatre capable of accomodating just enough old people to keep our theatre department running. The other direction begins the rest of our journey through the student center. Here you see a few piddly chairs and couches spread about, adorned with at least one sleeping commuter hoping to remain numb for that insufferable gap between his 11 am and 3 pm classes that you can't quite go home for. This is also evidently a good place to sit and have a tender moment, or discuss your problems with someone one on one. It is in no way confidential, and in fact a rather well traveled area, but this is evidently unrelated to the fact that it's also a great place to be alone. Go figure. As you pass, on your right is a room still haunted with the screams and stray blood of the parking office, where they charge you a hundred and fifty dollars to fight for a parking spot you may or may not be allowed to park in, dependent on the day of the week and moon phase. This has been moved to the undersized parking garage as far away from the main campus as possible, where we're also not allowed to park. As you continue, you'll see a small elevator, which may lead you to believe there is a second floor to this building. This is a blatant lie, as that is something people who are in clubs and fraternities prattle on about to make you feel unimportant. Don't play their game, it's a big hoax. It is, and evidently always has been the absolute height of hilarity to pretend to make out and or copulate in the elevator. It has a stop button that supposedly sets off no alarms and simply quietly halts the elevator until it is pushed again. Nobody knows if this is true, but more importantly everyone thinks the only possible purpose this could serve is for sex. I can only imagine the people who sat around at a table and designed an elevator whose purpose was making love. We're not in Japan, shit that weird just doesn't freaking happen. "But what else is it for?", sheepish grin, is not a valid argument. Next, to your left is an open area full of couches and a tv, where people watch BET and say things like DAYUM and OH SNAP and YOU GOT SERVED. On the right is a long hallway with unimportant rooms for campus activities and planned suicide, and a bookstore, home to overpriced literature, food, movies, and everything, ever, in the world, with CNU, not necessarily even a logo, plastered upon it. About now, if you're Six foot four and evidently well beyond the standard expectations of height for non garguantuan human beings, you'll run into paper. It's probably colored, and scribbled on with magic marker about "CAMPUS CARWASH! IT'S GOT SOAP AND SHIT" or "ADDITIONAL GENERIC CAMPUS ACTIVITY PLOY TO RAID YOUR WALLET"or "FRATERNITY SPONSORING HAWAII LUAU GET LEI'D WE'RE SO FUNNY GIVE US YOUR CASH VERMIN". The same dipshits who will tell you there is a second floor to the student center are the exact same ones who hang these signs up. Right in the fucking way. Doesn't fail. You'll be walking along, hoping to avoid interaction with any of the social leeches that make up the student body, and WHAM, here's ad in your face. It doesn't hurt, but the fact that their ad is more important than my ability to walk in a straight fucking line through the student center without having to duck is enough to drive a man to drink. Gasoline that is, so I can light a match and breathe fire on the cro-magnon fuckheads that decided it was great idea to put their ad in my way. Next is the couch, which despite what the name may imply, is actually several couches and some chairs, also a table. This is a collection of people that has, throughout time, been weird. Though originally this seemed to be a collection of people who didn't necessarily fit in anywhere else, and found an ability to fit in with eachother, but as of right now it's more or less a bunch of people who don't fit in, period, but like to be loud and offensive, and not necessarily funny. It doubles as a harem, missing only opium to completely fill out the image. Next is the hall of accostment. Somebody is at a table here, and they want you to buy shit. or join shit. or worship shit. Whatever the case, there is someone here who wants you to do something, and no matter how quickly you scurry with your head tilted to the ground, they'll still hand you their pamphlets or ask you if you want to join the army or sell you their cookies or push their particular religion on you. They've got something, and you need it. There's a doorway right around here though, so if you're quick you can avoid the assault. This doesn't work on the girlscouts though, they're just vicious little moneysucking vampires. Next comes Discovery Cafe, home of a Chik-Fil-A that sucks up all of my dining points and isn't open on the most important day of the week to have campus food open, sunday, a just-ok pizza place with horrible stomach-munching taco roll things, and an average meat-preperation place that can't fix a meal in less than 20 minutes for less than 10 dollars. next is another hallway containing a back entrance to discovery, a room where the school appeases proactive students by having meetings to get together and pretend anyone will listen to them. Lastly comes Regatta's, the equally bad of two dining halls on campus. You will almost undoubtedly be greeted with a happy smile from Mrs Linda, The food services robot with a heart of gold, who, despite the fact that she works at the front desk of a dining hall swiping cards and greeting ungrateful college brats, to an extent that she actually had a brace on her wrist from all the swiping she does, keeps a smile through it all. Inside is a long line, and a short line. the long line leads to the place where they have undercooked pizza and bad hamburgers, hot dogs, and grilled cheese, with consistency. This is the preferable alternative to the other side, which is a montage of fancy, high-class sounding dishes that were acquired from the lowest bidder, meaning they contain mostly nails and urine.
That, in a nutshell, is the CNU student center. If I left out making fun of some group, I'm sorry, I'll call you worthless bastards later.

2004-08-09T04:01:00.000-04:00

I've been playing an enormous amount of final fantasy XI lately. It's probably unhealthy, but Its not like I didn't expect this sort of thing to happen. I think there'll be enough distractions at school that in part of balancing everything I'll get something resembling priorities.
For any who would know or care, I'm Cowie on Quetzalcoatl, currently 20pld 30 war 15mnk 11whm 6blm 7bst 4thf and i don't know why I remember them all. Definitely loving pld, but its gonna be expensive .. so i've been fishing as of late, lv 21. Anyhoo..
By far this must be one of the least productive summers i've ever been part of. If I wrote a paragraph on how much I did this summer, that'd be the most i've done this summer. I've just been sitting back, relaxing, and enjoying the fact that i don't have any responsiblity to answer to. It's kind of funny, somewhere, someone must have published a book of generic things to say to college kids to get them to be talkative, and in that book the number one thing was, 'so you must be bored, at home doing nothing all summer'. And you know, part of me wants to say yes. But that'd be a horrible lie. This summer has been amazing. I've made no progress, I've done nothing. I've let my mind stagnate, and the closest thing i've done to practicing anything is playing a lot of smash brothers. I've been an incarnation of laziness and societal worthlessness, a leech and a blemish. It's been great. everything i've touched is neutral or worse off than it originally was. But I don't really have any regrets. This isn't boring me. This is grand. I sit in my room all day, I surround myself only with people I like, and only when I want to be with them, and I avoid virtually all negative social contact. People have come to understand that I am in no way a social initiator, and will bring the socialness to me, so its not like i'd get lonely. I play video games, watch tv and drink soda all day, and when that gets mundane I go to taco bell or burger king. My room is consistently around an uncomfortable 80 degrees, and even that can't inspire me to leave it.
So no. I'm not bored. I can wait to get back to school. I don't wish it would start sooner. I haven't all summer. I guess I miss some of the people, but for every one i'd like to talk to there's maybe 9 I could care less if I ever see again. I don't know if I'd be happier or not at school, but I'm certainly not disliking the way things are going.
Life is going great, and until I get thrown into a large realm of extended responsibility and social interaction, I know there's no way it won't be. I'm in 100% control of my life because i'm in no way involved in it. I'm not earning it, and I'm not working for it. it's a little bit weird. It makes me think that.. life'd be a lot better if we didn't have to live it. if we could spend our lives not finding a way to continue doing so.. we'd be better off. It's not an option, because if we lived like this from the beginning of time, we wouldn't have anything at all, and we'd probably have all died out. It's not an option, but it's still the best one. I'm not looking for realism here, I don't want your philosophy of life or your beliefs, or anyone else's. life just seems so much nicer when you can freezeframe during an up point, and just.. stay right there. I don't know that there's much else I need.

also i hate politics. the fact that you can introduce a bill that will put a 5000% life tax on people who have glasses, and then say that the revenue gained from these taxes will be used to help the homeless, and mudsling with that, is a pretty strong contributor to why I don't take any of it seriously anymore. I don't think there are any solid facts left when it comes to the government, and I just can't help but wonder if any facts anyone claims to have are true. Michael Moore is living proof that(in addition to the idea that you can pretend to be a left wing crockpot and make millions of dollars, i've formed the belief that he's a genius who preys on the hopes of the actual liberal crackpots, and college students by throwing together lame facts, and couldn't actually be as insane as it seems) you can form hours worth of convincing facts based on nonsense. The amount you would have to know about everything going on to actually have a reasonable understanding is mind-boggling. You'd have to devote your life to following politics, and even then there's plenty you'll never hear about. its depressing. In the end, it'll just come down to simple ideals and which you like better.

2004-08-04T16:36:00.000-04:00

http://www.gamespot.com/news/2004/05/13/news_6098040.html
So Alienware thought it'd be a good idea to incorporate dual video cards
and I guess from the standpoint of being a company who makes loads of money off of people who want high end computers but aren't competent enough to make them themselves for about $1000 less , it is a good idea.
They aren't ready to release benchmarks yet, which means it probably still sucks, but they're expecting a 50% perfomance increase over standard video card solutions. Yes, that's right, 50%. You're going to pay more for motherboard that supports it, and you're going to buy two video cards, and you're only going to be at 150% performance, relative to around 250% cost.
In the past, when we wanted a faster video card, we made a faster video card.
Now when we want a faster video card, we're going to tie two video cards together. It's a valiant effort, but its kind of like taking two three legged greyhounds and taping them together in hopes of competing with a faster four legged greyhound.
Yeah, you're gonna have double ram, but last I remembered ram isn't really your bottleneck in terms of video cards. Yeah, they're trying to split the load between two cards, and it sounds like a great idea from afar.. but I don't see it working out well at all.
Kinda like dual processors. OMG! I HAVE TWO OF THE TOP OF THE LINE PROCESSOR! THE SECOND DOESN'T EVEN BOTHER SPINNING UP 90% OF THE TIME. GO FIGURE.

2004-08-01T18:03:00.000-04:00

Carbuncle.

Carbuncle and I.

Carbuncle and Girl.

Flash Flodd warning.

That is all.

2004-07-26T13:25:00.000-04:00

I play a disturbing amount of FFXI. I mean, Disturbing. Capital letters like. So I was browsing the greeting cards option of the Playonline viewer, a small communication device designed to interface with various online games and such. A lot of them were kind of odd and I can't imagine why they would've been sent, but this one stands out as freaking awesome.

I mean, seriously. that's damn cool.

2004-07-11T23:18:00.000-04:00

the addiction keeps me from having really good rant sessions lately, but this one has been long overdue

Dear Marijuana: I fucking hate you.
Now there's proper preface to all this, I reckon. Per se, I don't have a whole lot against it. It's healthier than both cigarettes and alcohol, blah blah blah, leaves people in a state of euphoria where they leave me the fuck alone, thats all well and good. They do it in enclosed areas far away from the public eye so I don't have to smell it, and the social side effects are a lot more tolerable than those induced by alcohol. My problem is the fucking subculture formed around it. The counter culture movement in itself is dumb, but I swear there that a part of that culture has fallen off into the weed culture, and formed a group of utter and complete morons. In a nutshell, here's the trick. If I don't know you smoke weed, you aren't part of the problem. I don't care if you do or don't. If I know you smoke weed, I hate you. Why? Because you're one of the idiots who is part of this culture that seems to feel that it's imperative to mention their obsession with marijuana every 5 seconds. You know who i'm talking about. The goony motherfuckers who sit around and go "Man, i'ma shmoke me some WEEEEEED this weekend, get SOOOO high". This is actually the extent of their conversation. Best case scenario, they'll start telling stories about how while at some generic bleeding heart liberal protest they were smoking and the cops were totally killing their buzz. thats about as far as the conversation travels. Guess what amigos? The world doesn't care. I don't care what it is, if any one thing has such a strong grasp on your life so much that it is actually all you think about, a- I hate your fucking guts, and b- you're a fucking reject. This is previously mentioned as annoying as fuck about people whose lives are ruled by alcohol. And roleplaying. I don't know what kind of pathetic abyss of shit for an upbringing could have possibly spawned such an annoying, miserable blob of existence. It wouldn't bother me if conversation went something closer to
potfuck: "Man, I LOVES ME TEH CANNABIS!!!1 ^^"
normal sane person: "Thats nice. Please drink urine."
but instead, the conversation goes more like
potfuck: "Man, I LOVES ME TEH CANNABIS!!!1 ^^"
The average person, who is convinced weed makes you cool: "HELLZ YEAH DAWG. SMOKE EM UP!!!11"
and god shudders at his own stupidity for creating such a flawed race of creatures.
People honestly believe that smoking pot makes them cooler. It's actually like, accepted as fact. What the fuck about smoking marijuana makes you more socially acceptable than not? Is it the fact that, because it's illegal, it makes you a rebel? Fuck counterculture. if being a fucking rebel is cool, move the fuck to canada and drive your fucking motorcycle off a fucking cliff in your god damn blue jeans fuckface. Sorry if I sound like I should be in Reservoir Dogs, but this is the first chance I've had to express this anger I've had for well over 5 years in a place where there's a miniscule chance one of the primitives that perpetuates it will read it and catch wind of just how horribly idiotic this whole thing is. I realize that's less than realistic, but a cynic can dream, can't he? Of course not, dreaming is for people who can't deal with reality.

But seriously. Weed has it's own fucking magazine. and conventions. no seriously, there's marijuana conventions. Burnoutcon 2004!
why can't you people just smoke your pot on your own time and stop telling the rest of us about it. Or i'll beat you up.

HEY MAN
I'M GONNA GO EAT SOME TACOS
I'M GONNA BE SO FULL
IT'LL BE SO AWESOME MAN
OH I KNOW! EAT TACOS EVERY DAY DAWG!

2004-06-26T01:53:00.000-04:00

I'm on the Final Fantasy XI diet. the only carb that matters is a summon monster.

2004-06-12T02:27:00.000-04:00

Fat punk band.

Diet! OI OI OI!

2004-06-06T03:04:00.000-04:00

I really don't know what I'm going to write about
I was going to write a large essay on why I'm sick and fucking tired of people not just accepting homosexuality, but it's all so overdone and already said that there is really nothing left to do. You won't convince anyone to drop their dogmatic text of choice and accept reality, period. You can commercialize them and sell them on primetime, but it'll only do so much. So all that's left to do is wait, and vote.(Hint: Not Republican)

I was also going to complain about how infathomably slow-paced Witch Hunter Robin is, and how we probably spend half of any given episode staring at a half empty glass of water while subpar music lilts in the background.
I'm sure someone is going to produce the keeping up with the manga so it has to be paced in such a way argument, but a lot of anime has to do that, and that doesn't mean they were all horribly, horribly slow. They might stretch things out, but that's a better approach than the 20 second pan effect, and the 5 seconds between sides of a conversation. No excuses.

this blog window has been open for 2 days now, and i really forgot what else i was gonna write.

2004-06-02T00:32:00.000-04:00

Now I can't say this rant is entirely spawned of original thought, but I'm pretty sure I'm not jacking it directly from a different rant(SA,PA and 665 would be the only place I could've seen anything to steal)
but like
god damn.
Alright, so gas prices are insane. $2.00 a gallon, on average around here. It's crazy. Filling your tank up, you're guaranteed to break $20 just filling your tank.
Should we be angry? probably.. but um.. what about water?
According to this random conversion site I found online, 20 fluid ounces converts to 0.15625 gallons. Outside of major events where price gouging is even greater, a 20 ounce bottle of water, on a good day, will cost you $1.00.
Alright. Let's doing math.
alright. so then, there are 128 ounces in a gallon. so six 20 oz bottles equates to a little less than a gallon. At this rate, Water is selling for $6 a gallon. Water, that thing this entire fucking planet is covered in. And while there are places where water worth drinking really is that valuable, goofy suburbia, United States, isn't one of them.
Now I realize this brings about an issue with the fact that I have no problem buying soda at the same rate(though I usually attempt to buy it more economically when an option), but at least pepsi pretends to do something to the fluid they sell me. They color it, add flavor, and a sufficient amount of caffeine to appease my crippling addiction. But water? Sure, You see fresh, flowing streams and some form of flora, fauna, or both surrounding this water on the bottle, but it's pretty safe to say they just invested in a really damn big Brita water filter that they're pouring tap water into. You'd never know the difference.
As long people will pay this much for water, how the hell can we hope to do anything about gas prices? Paying more for water than you do for gas, and not complaining about that, just feels so silly. You people CHOOSE to pay that much for water, and you have a freakin option.
but I guess if we get angry about oil prices we can feel better about killing off those dirty sand apes. We don't want wholesome american water exploiters getting a bad rap.

2004-05-28T11:08:00.000-04:00

"Cannes movie festival"
can anyone else not say that without giggling?
it just.. sounds like a porn expo.

when in all actuality
it's the height of pretention in the movie world

2004-05-26T04:01:00.000-04:00

Samurai Champloo
Shinichiro Watanabe's new gig
you know what that means.
crazy style.
can't speak on plot yet
but i've not much reason to doubt.
If you liked Bebop, check it out for sure.

2004-05-21T02:05:00.000-04:00

in the tradition of much older posts, a dump of thoughts

I've seen a lot of movies recently, more than I normally do. one a week for the past 3 weeks feels like overkill, when the movies I'd seen in theatres in the last year before that week included.. Kill Bill 1 and 2, and um.. Alex and Emma. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was it. I dunno, I guess it's tough to make a movie appeal to me anymore.. Lack of interaction tends to drive me nuts anymore. I can hardly deal with an uninterrupted 30 minute television show, let alone over an hour and a half of one movie. I feel kinda bad whenever I have something resembling a vote for what to do in a social situation, and I blackball watching a movie.. but I just don't like not being able to play the movie. I guess I'm the ultimate personification of a horrible product of the video game age.

troy. Sure, it had the basic elements of a good epic, characters you like being killed in an overly dramatic fashion while the exact same moaning vocals accompanied by an extravagantly overdone orchestra, it extended beyond 2 and a half hours, and there was a lot of violence. I probably should've loved it. But I dunno. Unless they have a sequel planned(I've certainly heard nothing of it), Troy is just a lame story for a movie. I'm fully convinced that, if this were not based a previously existing story, and certainly one of such fame that attacking anything related to it would make you 'ignorant', people would've hated this movie. What the hell kind of story doesn't tie up any loose ends and ends by killing a character you've grown to like? The story may continue, but as far as I'm concerned, if thats the only movie they're going to make, its just not as good as everyone wants to believe it is. I don't think it's fair to ignore the fact that, as a movie, this story just plain doesn't stand, because it's otherwise a small, slightly bastardized portion of a much greater and epic story. Seriously, movies don't work that way. Good book doesn't equal good movie. End. so pardon me if I'm in a corner ignoring everything when people talk about how it was the best movie of the year, and when it wins no less than 18 awards in every category known to man for being a high budget representation of a literary classic. It was a better than average movie, but the amount of attention it's going to receive is only going to annoy me.

Dear Girl who sat behind me in Shrek 2. I appreciate you summarizing the action for us, and attempting to guess the character's lines before they said them. Without your every vigilant watch over the screen and constant summarizing, I would have never figured out that such and such a character fell, or so and so said something. Being that everyone near you was evidently completely blind and required your assistance, I appreciate you playing seeing eye dog for us during the movie. Remind me to sit near you during more movies.

Halo is still nothing spectacular, if you think it's revolutionary i'm going to punch you.

Though I have to say that, as much as I say counterstrike isn't revolutionary, it created a very clear and strong definition of why playing video games online is slowly being ruined.

The Mountain Dew Xbox hasn't shown up yet.(we got it, by the way.) Right now couldn't be soon enough. I made the mistake of buying Star wars: Knights of the Old Republic for when it gets here, and I played it at a friend's house, and now I'm a complete worthless addict. Except I can't play it. So I just pull the box out and stare at it, and reminisce on my 4 hours of gameplay. Dammit xbox. Get here.

I moved the computer desk from my basement up into my room, and now all of the sudden my room is the command center of pure awesome. Desktop Computer, Laptop, 20 inch tv, ps2, gamecube, soon to be xbox... It's nuts.

Also: 3 movies later, and I still don't particularly wanta fanta.

2004-05-08T23:15:00.000-04:00

Cow's Van Helsing watching guide:
1. If you've read any of the literary works of famous monsters, forget them. Remember the very basics of what the monsters are, what they do, and what harms them. Don't come to this movie expecting an accurate retelling of the stories -- come to the movie expecting to have fun, involving implementations of previously created concepts. If you can't play the castlevania series because the dracula story doesn't line up with the original, then don't even bother going to Van Helsing. But if you can enjoy a mythos solely for it's presence, reuse and reoccurrence throughout the years, this may be right up your alley.
2. There are mythical monsters in this movie. This includes and is not limited to vampires and werewolves. The boundaries of reality have been stretched. Expect the humans to do the same. Every time you think "that's just not possible!", I want you to stop and think about the movie you're watching. You didn't come to a movie that had any intention of being realistic -- so don't expect it to be. If you go to action flicks planning to point out inconsistencies, I'm not sure what kind of bizarre mindframe you operate on, but it might not be one that can take this movie.
3. Have fun. This movie wasn't made to be analyzed, there's no deep underlying philosophical meaning -- It's a fun movie. Enjoy it.
4. If feasible, attend when highschool students are least likely to. Sometime before 7, so it's early enough that it isn't cool to go, or while they're still in school. I can only imagine the horror that would have completely overridden my moviegoing experience if there were a bunch of 16 year old girls that in their own desperation for acceptance by any group actually convinced themselves that they're vampires in the front row cheering for Dracula.

This being said, I enjoyed the movie quite a bit. And there's my defense, in the form of a disclaimer.

2004-05-08T03:17:00.000-04:00

don't ever let me near google image search, ms paint, and friends whose horrible taste in puns only supports my own..

2004-05-03T01:01:00.000-04:00

Ripping friends is so stupid. Ripping friends is the only show dumb enough to make me turn cartoon network off. Which is impressive, because at any given time cartoon network is on somewhere near me. if it isn't, it's made to be so. But yeah. ripping friends, stupid.

Ya can't hate everything if you don't hate your friends, right?
It's not fair to parade around as a cynic and a pessimist if you make exceptions for what you hate. I don't have a problem with this, and if you haven't figured that out yet you've got your own entry waiting. Everyone gets what they have coming, exceptions are for the weak. If you can only tap unbridled hatred from afar, what good is it?
"If your opponent is 3 inches away, what will you do? Will you curl up into a ball? Or will you put your fist through him?"
FYAD.

2004-05-02T03:00:00.000-04:00

I hate music.
Music is so stupid.
I could write a new rant every week about someone and how they're an idiot because of their horribly naive musical perceptions, but that'd probably get old, and would be a completely different website
like
MusicFansSuck.com (which, come to think of it, doesn't exist yet)
I don't get what the deal is -- people feel like they have to hate music because it doesn't meet their arbitrary standards. THIS MUSIC IS INVOKES A CERTAIN EMOTION, i THINK ALL MUSIC INVOKING THAT EMOTION IS THE SAME AND STUPID AND PEOPLE WHO LISTEN TO IT ARE STUPID. I HAVE AN INCREDIBLY STRONG OPINION ABOUT THIS AND EVERY GOD DAMN FIVE SECONDS I'LL MAKE A JOKE ABOUT IT AND PRETEND I'M CLEVER. I'M A PRETENTIOUS SHITHEAD WHEN IT COMES TO MY MUSIC AND THAT MEANS MY OPINION COUNTS MORE ALSO I'M LOUD. Now, I don't like every kind of music ever, and there's some I just can't stand. But i'm not going to make fun of the people who listen to it, the people who perform/compose it, or it's entire premise. Why? Because i'm not a stupid fuckhead with such a poor grasp on reality that his only hope to feel better in his pitiful existence is to belittle music of all things. Jesus fuck, get a gun already. I HATE BANDS WITHOUT EVEN HAVING LISTENED TO THEM BECAUSE SOMEONE SOMEWHERE SAID SOMETHING THAT RHYMED WITH THEM BEING IN A CERTAIN GENRE. I'M SOCIALLY DOMINANT SO NOBODY WOULD DARE TELL ME I'M FULL OF SHIT TO MY FACE. I think I've said this to everyone, ever, about music, but get the fuck over yourselves, everyone who feels such a great need to hate music. What the fuck is the point? That's just fucking silly. If you're going to hate something, at least hate something significant. Hate corruption, hate media truth-shaping, hate war, hate peace, hate poverty, hate avarice, hate change, hate stagnation, hate aggression, hate passivity, hate people so stupid they don't realize they're the decline of society, hate people so smart they're convinced they're superior to the rest of the world, hate NAMBLA, hate SVU, hate ignorance or hate the truth, but for the love of god give music a rest. You take it too seriously, I don't understand how you can enjoy yourselves. Next musical genre joke is getting this entire fucking rant in their face. With extra swearing, compliments of my unbridled anger.
Now you may ask yourself, all this talk about what's worth getting angry over, are stupid music fans worth it?
The answer, good friend, is Yes you insubordinate little shit now shutup.

2004-04-25T22:09:00.000-04:00

Bemani fans: Gettings things about 2 years too late.
TEH AYB IS STILL FUNNi

On an otherwise unrelated note, I belive that, out of all of society's bizarre functions, the most depressing by far is those who suffer chronically from being socially challenged. There are a lot of different societal flaws to fill -- you can be ugly, you can be dumb, you can be absent-minded, you can think at just a few steps per minute slower than the rest of the pack, you can be too loud, you can be too quiet, you can be close-minded, you can be a complete bleeding heart. There will always be people with these traits. But as long as they have some redeeming social skill, they're off the hook. If you're funny, people don't care that you're more repulsive then the worst of internet fetish porn web sites, smell funny, suck at math and space out every 5 seconds. If you're charming you can get away with being a loud bigot, and if you're nice, a soft spoken liberal can be accepted virtually anywhere. But what if, regardless of any of the previous flaws you do or do not possess, you don't have the social capacity to make up for them? What if, on top of having an idiosyncracy that only makes you human, you simply can't talk your way out of it? What if that IS your difference? What can you do?
It's downright depressing. I almost want to cry when I see people who, after an entire year of school, eat every meal alone because they simply can't make friends. I want to take them in, to hug them, to tell them everything will be better and give them warm home made cookies, but I can't. I'm driven away by my own prejudices... maybe I'm not a strong enough social creature to make up for the people who lack, but when talking with such a person, there is nothing I can do to help. They don't have interesting stories, they don't quite understand how the progression of conversation works, and their humor is on a level entirely different from your own. Short of a few common interests you can relate on in a purely abstract level of conversation, it's like they're an entirely different species. All because somewhere along the line, they missed the boat. And without the ability to redeem themselves through social qualities, what the hell can they do? There's nothing I can do to help them, no sacrifice I could possibly make to help save them, and I guess part of that is what gets to me so much, the idea that these people are beyond help -- if they can't do it for themselves, they're completely damned in society. They are made fun of, they are laughed at, they are picked on, and what the hell sort of recourse do they have? They have a hard enough time making friends that I find it difficult to see them being able to be comforted after a rough day, and only a few bleeding hearts will even stand up to their defense. I can only pray that they're so out of touch with social reality, so gone in their own discord that none of this affects them. If it must be that they are insane, that their entire mental paradigm lies so definitively on a plane different from our own that they cannot be harmed by our ignorance, that they do not need these things, then so be it. I hope greatly that such is the case. Because the alternative, the idea of drowning in a world from which you are so disassociated that your cries for help are only perceived as the incoherent ramblings of man in decline and you are left to die with the blame on the conscience of none but your own curse, is the sort of thing that shows you that you have a soul, because you can almost feel it aching.

It's not that I wish it upon you, but if you wake up screaming in the middle of the night, gasping for breath drenched in sweat, if there is anyone you can tell about it the next day, be thankful.

2004-04-24T00:43:00.000-04:00

I don't normally do these things, but this is an excuse to toot my own hurn, I have no problem with that.
Stolen from http://perotheus.com/
I dunno him. but he found my blog. and seems to be pretty funny, so check it out.

You are a GRAMMAR GOD!

If your mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!

How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-04-17T00:37:00.000-04:00

2004-04-05T11:14:00.000-04:00

Anger!:

People who append 'Sweetheart' or 'Honey' to EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MOUTH. Being patronized is an incredibly annoying feeling, and if you don't realize that calling someone 'darlin' after disagreeing with them makes them feel like you think they're 5, you're a fucking idiot to begin with.

People who use phrases like 'So What' or 'You're just now figuring that out' or the like. Fuck off, get over yourselves. Stop being such an inconsiderate dickhead and just let someone talk. God knows I don't judge people like you when you constantly tell me about your subpar accomplishments. I pretend to be impressed. The least you could do is have that common courtesy.

People who can't hone up to the fact that they've done something. If I walk into a room full of dead mice, and every cat there says 'I don't hunt mice', something's awry.

Don't ignore the fact that I've stated I dislike you. Just leave me alone. It's one thing to earn my wrath, it's a whole nother biscuit to ignore that and keep bothering me. Learn to be excluded.

Black does not equal goth.

You can't attempt to undercut someone's business and think everything will be peachy. That's just stupid. Who the fuck do you think you are.

"I plan to" and "I'm probably going to" never got the world anywhere, so don't even waste our time with them

Just because you love/are disgustingly codependent on someone doesn't mean they're infallible.

after pure luck allows you to cheat your way out of responsibility, for fuck's sake learn something.

2004-03-27T11:56:00.000-05:00

Do you ever sit down and think
Gee, I wonder what David has been listening to?

If you do I'd be a little bit creeped out that you dedicate that much thought to what I listen to, but after the initial shock I'd probably say this
http://users.cnu.edu/~dgoodell/07 robot.mp3

from new seo taiji

2004-03-24T00:17:00.000-05:00

A gift to my faithful blog readers
First one who gets it.. gets it
A free song on Itunes
N363QKYERX

Enjoy.
Also, tell me who gets it.

2004-03-22T21:27:00.000-05:00

-March 22, 2004-
~ Reawakening ~

2004-03-07T20:17:00.000-05:00

I was going to write a really long rant about even more music snobs, and say random angry things about people judging music that has emotion, this, that, AND the other, but I've decided that I'm going to be much more neutral, but keep the same topic, and do a generic livejournal/blog thing I've stolen from Oliver..
play your entire library on random, and name the first 15 songs that come up.. possibly with an explanation

1. Hanz Zimmer and Lisa Gerrard - Gladiator Soundtrack - Am I Not Merciful
Because there's always room for emotional, epic movie music.
2. Cake - I Will Survive
Can't go wrong covering Gloria Gaynor. I should've changed my fucking lock;I would've made you leave your key...
3. Tiger YAMATO - Luv To Me(Ucchie's edition)
With all the bemani music on my computer, this comes as no surprise
4. Orange Lounge - Marmalade Reverie
Again. Lots of Bemani. No shock.
5. AFI - Half Empty Bottle
Part of a cd I acquired, and am otherwise yet to listen to
6. Noir OST 2 - Killing
I've never seen the anime, but it has a nifty soundtrack. Go figure.
7. Berserk - Forces
I dunno the artist.. but its a cool song, from berserk animation. Read Also: Biggest letdown of all time
8. Spekkosaurus - Sound Stone (C Major)
OC mixezzzz EB music
9. Jennifer - If You Were Here
blah
10. Dennis Leary - Traditional Irish Folk Song
we drink and we sing and we drink and we die
we have no heeaads.. no we ha~ve no heads!
11. Hitomi Yaida - My Sweet Darlin'
I would classify this as one of the most addictive songs of all time. I never get old of it, and certainly not for lack of listening to it enough. Also.. cutesy jpop lines
I don't care if you don't know why the clear sky is blue
I just want you to know why my cheeks are pink
12. Yasunori Mitsuda - Xenosaga OST - Breaking Spaceship Pursuit
Xenosaga isn't his best work from what i've played/heard, but mitsuda's still damn impressive, no matter where and how often.
13. Nena - 99 Luft Baloons
I like the german version better. Go figure.
14. Sana - Sana Mollete ne Ente (B.L.T. Sandwich Style)
from Mode. Sana's just got such a cute voice. She could sing Death Metal and I'd still wanna hug her.
15. Steve Conte - No reply
from the Cowboy Bebop Movie OST. Shame it was NEVER IN THE FREAKIN MOVIE. It's such an awesome song.

if for some reason you want any of these songs, do lemme know.

2004-02-05T14:30:00.000-05:00

By the way, counterstrike sucks.
Its a buggy, poorly coded, simplistic shooting game with absolutely nothing both new and worthwhile to add to the play field. I mean, there are a lot of "great" features in counterstrike that keep people coming back, such as the ability to completely miss every shot in an entire submachine gun clip from point blank range, and be called a n00b. Or get shot in the head from halfway across the level through three different walls by someone using one of the plethora of apparently easy as fuck to make counterstrike hacks, and then get called a n00b. Or you can simply get picked off repeatedly by a pack of guys using their completely balanced one hit kill sniper rifle, and then get called a n00b. You also have a wide variety of options, such as playing the team that has deadlier weapons and a riot shield, or the team that doesn't, and gets to be constantly called, in addition to a camper, a n00b. If you're lucky, you'll get to play with the pinnacle of counterstrike players, a pack of fourteen year olds with names like -x=420=x-Wu-Tang-Gh0stF4cEK1LLa, who you are fairly sure look exactly like this:
,
say NIGGA a lot, get a lucky shot on you by aiming twelve feet above your head from across the level, and then call you a n00b. After this, you'll wait two minutes for the two guys with AWPs left to sit in the corner and call eachother campers, while listening to witty commentary from their less fortunate teammate -x=420=x-Wu-Tang-BL4Kj3SUS, such as 'NIGGA KILL DAT N00B', then pastes your current kill record in the chat, and calls you a n00b. Angered from this, you'll decide to pick a shotgun, because honestly, what better revenge exists outside of a pump shotgun to the face? You'll sneak up behind IMSOSTONEDLOL-=rAMBO=-, somehow manage to hit him in the legs, even though you aimed at his head, still kill him, and be called a n00b. You get pissed off, sick of the stupid shit that goes on in this retarded game, and the even dumber shit that goes on at the other ends of the game, buy a flashbang and throw it at the beginning of the match, then begin firing like crazy at your teammates(esp. if friendly fire is on). This will very slightly ameliorate the entire experience, until you get banned from the game with the message "FUCKING N00B".

2004-01-28T10:29:00.000-05:00

Ugh. People are weird.
American Bandstand. It was an okay show. You get a bunch of talented people together, and you have them compete to see who is, well, the most talented. Thats cool.
American Idol. You get a bunch of singular people together, don't exclude anyone, and then make fun of the bad ones on national television.
Whats the difference? One is god damn rude. I hate to sound preachy about what people should and shouldn't do, but I just think its kinda disgusting that media's idea of entertainment involves hurting someone feelings in some way. Its all about excluding someone, voting someone off, or mocking someone and then kicking them out. And everyone has a morbid fascination with it. I hate it. I mean, I have no problem admitting that one of my flaws is that I'm entirely too sensitive to the feelings of others, maybe moreso than to myself... but how bad can that be in this instance? At risk of sounding like someone who is really old and "out of touch".. I really don't like where television is headed. I mean, sitcoms and such, whatever. They're fine. They're more violent, and more edgey, but I don't care. They're actors. Shows about hurting real people are just plain upsetting, and I hate that people have found a way to exploit one of humanity's most annoying flaws. That morbid curiosity that causes miles of backup when an accident occurs on the other side of the highway. Its.. ugh. I dunno.

2004-01-25T04:11:00.000-05:00

"I feel like I'm missing something
something.. important
I'm not wearing a shirt, am I?"

Good ol drunk guys.

2004-01-20T09:54:00.000-05:00

Does anyone else find that, when writing, there is no such thing as a final product? Maybe i'm just weird, but if you were to tell me to write a paper, and then edit it once a week until it was done, it would never be completed. After an amount of time, certainly a week, I would get tired of how I wrote something, and completely rework a sentence. The next week, I might rework that sentence again, even if only to fit in with how I altered another sentence. Its a sort of discouraging habit, that I can never reach a state where I am satisfied with my work. If I got something published, I would never want to look at it again. I would find every sentence I hadn't already bled to death from changing, and think about how awkward and stilted it feels. I don't do this with other people's writing, especially professional kinds. Do they have that much stronger of a grasp on the language than me? Or is it because I understand how every sentence is meant to be said, that I have a deeper understanding of how it can go wrong?
Am I alone on this?

2004-01-19T18:10:00.000-05:00

Communication is one of the most poorly developed devices, ever. Its not something we often question, but if you were to view it from a standpoint as objective as possible, it looks so utterly stupid. With all of mankinds advances, you'd think someone would be working on some way to make communication more efficient. I don't know that there is one, but it seems as though we'd be foolish not to search for it. For the sake of example, Imagine two computers, networked directly. Now Lets take the network communcation software, for a spin. I want to send the number 3 to the second computer. The software on the other end receives the 3, and does not understand whether this is the 3 that should be grouped with 1 2 and 4, or the 3 grouped with 1 3 and 5, or if it was supposed to be a negative 3. Furthermore, based on how the second computer was put together, and what its software was taught 3 means, even if 3 is received correctly, it may not be interpreted properly, due to previously stated reasons, or even from previous interactions with the first computer, since it has cached previous data. If you were a new network administrator, and you came in to find this software in action, wouldn't you shoot someone? Under normal circumstances, even if this software got that far, it'd be scrapped immediately and remade. Yet we run through life operating on similar grounds, and hardly ever even question it. 'Thats not what I meant!' 'You know what I meant!' 'Well before when you say that, you meant that!' 'Oh, I thought you meant that'.. they're all incredibly common mishaps of communication. Its really kind of odd. As refined as language could get, as much work has been put into it, its so flawed you're tempted to wonder why its allowed to exist.
Now I'm not ignorant, mind you. I realize how absurd the task of explaining abstract thought, at all, is. There is no means by which to link minds properly, and even the english, the language possessing a vocabulary larger than any other language, by far, is still incredibly inferior when it comes to expressing feelings. Some basic feelings have words, but whenever you feel something strongly, you have to compare it to something else. Now while thats fine for emotions, how do you describe abstract thought? Concepts? There's a disgusting amount of words at our disposal, but rarely do they come close to having the capacity to express the precise sequence of neuron firings in your brain that created what you're thinking.
I just can't help but think there's a better way. In syntactic structures, Noam Chomsky theorized that all languages possess a certain similarity -- that no matter how you attempt to form a language, it is based on an inborn human quality that makes it all similar. The idea that words, sounds and structures are all simple additions to an otherwise basic, consistent internal blueprint. Think about how quickly children catch onto languages. Sure, they have to be corrected from time to time, but as a whole, the facility with which they come to grip something as imprecise, imperfect, and sometimes flat out flawed as language seems to support this theory rather clearly. The English language is by no means simple, or consistent. But we learn it with acceptable competence as though it were incredibly straightforward, and basic. This dictates a relation to the posession of an inborn, possibly genetic quality to understand the basics behind all language. Though nothing consistent has been formed, imagine how impressive it would be for this to hold true, and for us to form a basic, simplest form, perfect form of expression, without connecting brains.
But then, what would people do with a perfect language? Be as flawed as they are now, I reckon.
Sigh.

2004-01-19T17:30:00.000-05:00

"You don't like dave matthews band?" - Incredulous
"No." - Me

2004-01-08T14:18:00.000-05:00

And now, your moment of zen.
http://members.aol.com/fyrecow/zen.mov

2003-12-24T23:53:00.000-05:00

webspace isn't cooperating
so you're not getting your christmas present blog until tomorrow.

2003-12-19T17:05:00.000-05:00

I envision an incredibly humorous scenario in which a high ranking official walks into the office, says, "Okay boys, lets see your progress on that big government contract," and receives what you see here as a response-
http://pc.watch.impress.co.jp/docs/2003/1218/sony_06.wmv

2003-12-12T19:15:00.000-05:00

Newsflash!
Listening to Jimi Hendrix does not make you a music afficionado. This is also true of, but not limited to: The Rolling Stones, The Grateful Dead, The Beatles, Jimmy Buffett, Bob Marley.
When you hear a song you dislike, it is not necessary to voice this opinion. Furthermore, if you DO feel the need to express your distaste for a song/album/band/genre, there is absolutely no need to justify this opinion by pointing out that you listen to any of the above listed. Objectivity in the field of music is just plain improbable -- Talent or Complexity are fields in which one may be able to form beliefs based upon fact, but just because you flaunt it doesn't mean those who don't simply don't have it. As far as I'm concerned, a simple, catchy sound is just as valid a musical component as elongated and elaborate sound. If the same 3 strings form a catchy background that keeps your interest, and they're forefronted by catchy/meaningful/fun lyrics, There's not a whole lot of difference. Again, as far as I'm concerned. This brings to me another point, 'talent' or 'meaning'. These two seem to be the most common limits people set for themselves in music. I always hear someone say, 'I can only listen to music that has talent involved', or 'Whats the point of listening to music if it doesn't have a deep meaning?'. Why the hell does it matter? Why would you limit yourself in the music you can enjoy? Maybe its natural, but to me it just seems plain uppity. I don't see music as having one strict definition. My music doesn't have to require talent, and it doesn't need a deep meaning. There is music I like that has both, there is music I like that has one or the other, and I may like them for that reason. But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy a nice, catchy, bereft of meaning bubble gum song. Is it upbeat? catchy? Funny? Do I listen to it and think, I'd like to hear that song again? Then maybe I like it. I don't have to set any one category for what I like. The band sold out? big fucking deal. Do I like the way they sound? Do I like even one song by them? Then I'm not going to give a shit about anything else. Good Charlotte. Sure, a lot of their music is poppy loser solidarity, and a lot of it is repeats, and very simple. but have you ever heard the song 'My Bloody Valentine', or 'Change'? Maybe they're just crap in your eyes. But one can't help but wonder what made you label them that. What everyone else told you? Your preconceived notions? Your lame limitations? Or do you just dislike the style? That's the question. I almost pity people who limit themselves in their musical interests. There is such a broad range of music out there, such a wide selection, and because you only want to listen to music of a certain type, you've omitted a humongous amount of it. There's so much music, so many genres that you'll never hear, and never have a chance to appreciate, because you're too busy being pigheaded about what you'll listen to.
But hiding behind an old and possibly dead artist widely accepted as talented for your musical justification.. is even worse. What that tells me, is that you're limiting yourself to one artist, who will never put out new cds, unless a publisher gets a hold on some old unreleased. When someone asks you a question, 'Jimi Hendrix' will never be the answer outside of questions that directly point to Jimi Hendrix. that means that 'So why shouldn't I enjoy this music?' can NOT be counted with 'jimi hendrix'. You're convincing nobody.
I'm not saying they're not talented artists, I don't care. I'm just tired of people hiding behind someone like Jimi Hendrix to make themselves look more musically enlightened. Because, lets face it. Anyone can listen to music.

2003-11-24T09:23:00.000-05:00

http://www.thedogtranslator.com/

This is a crock of shit.

2003-11-23T13:55:00.000-05:00

Homosexuality: America's biggest gimmick.
Now don't go labelling me as bigoted off the bat here, just consider what I have to say. I have nothing against homosexuality, only the fact that it has become so disgustingly commercially exploited. You watch tv, and we stumble across all sorts of shows exploiting America's newfound love for gay men. Queer eye for the straight guy, Queer as folk, Will and Grace, Scooby Doo. A preference for the sexual company of same sexed people has become a huge gimmick or selling point, and all of the sudden is the entire basis for shows. Is nobody else bothered by the fact that sexuality has been made into a hook? 'hey, you know what we need? Gay guys. they sell.'
I don't know.. maybe i take sexuality too seriously, but I can't help but think that, even as much as they weren't accepted before, this rush of commercialism has to be a bit annoying to at least someone gay.
I mean, i'm glad that in a rush of PC-induced commercialism, homosexuality has received a much wider acceptance in the public eye, and maybe this is the only way to force it down our ignorant throats, but its just kind of depressing. It rings heavily of the 'Nigger Head Soap' phenomenon(search for it on ebay). I don't know. I just don't think it should be a gimmick. Please tell me someone else out there understands this, or that there is somewhere a gay male who is as disappointed at the antistars who exploit their sexuality on television on a daily basis.

2003-11-22T03:11:00.000-05:00

I hate Evangelion.
I've been wanting to post a rant about why I think Eva is overrated, and a less than mediocre anime.
I mean, it's ok, but because of the reputation it has wrongfully received as one of the greatest anime of all time.. I loathe it. I'd go so far as to express a significant distrust in the animation tastes of anyone who likes it.
i'm too tired to write up a long rant on why right now
and I dunno if I care enough to ever do it(unless you bastards tempt me)
but we'll see. Just bare in mind: I hate Eva, and if you like it.. I hate you too. Kinda.

2003-11-18T16:00:00.000-05:00

Note: only irc losers will get this
<[EWG]-CjB-[015]> #1 2x [1.2G] Gigli.TS - TGF

2003-11-17T21:24:00.000-05:00

Dear 1337speak:
DIE
DIE WORSE THAN ANYTHING HAS EVER DIED BEFORE.
DIE LIKE YOU SHOULD HAVE IN 1998 BUT WERE KEPT ALIVE ON FUCKING LIFE SUPPORT BY A PACK OF RAVAGING MORONS.
Dear people who still use it:
IT DIED IN 1998. FUCKING SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. MORONS STOPPED USING IT THEN, AND GEEKS STARTED USING IT IRONICALY THEN. IT GOT OLD IN 3 MONTHS. I'm completely serious, you're all stupid assfaces. Its not even funny in irony. this includes, and is not limited to 'r0x0r, pwn, 1337, sux0r, teh, ownz0r, anything ending in '0r'.' Honestly people, fucking stop. Its so incredibly infuriating -- people talk about how stupid it is, and then use it regularly, trying to be ironic. Some other examples of ironic appreciate in modern culture include: Trucker hats, Pabst Blue Ribbon, the 80's. Yes, thats right. I just compared you to hipsters, you fucking assholes. Thats how much I fucking hate your stupid little phrases. I reserve a special block of hatred deep within my soul for the stupid mother fuckers who actually say the shit out loud. I swear I'm going to punch the fuck out of the next person who starts parading around that annoying bullshit in front of me. 'that sux0rs'... FUCK YOU. I can't fucking stand it anymore, and neither can anyone with half a brain. We hate and frown upon all of you. We're admittedly limited in number, but this doesn't change the fact that we're better than you, and abhor you with every single inch of our souls. IT ISN'T FUNNY. IT ISN'T ENTERTAINING. ITS MINIMALLY LEGIBLE, AND ON TOP OF THAT ITS FUCKING STUPID. I'm sorry if I destroyed any paradigms by introducing an anomaly so large that it could challenge the core of your very being, and what you find funny, but i'm actually not because I hope you all spend at least a couple weeks in the fetal position reconsidering life and soiling yourself. You could not even BEGIN to fathom the immense hatred that wells within me, swelling with every single number I see in the middle of any group of letters that is not a model number. It bulges and festers, heaving in anger as though it were a blob of pudding whose mother had just been insulted. It shambles throughout my very existence, leaving deposits of pure, unadultered, chocolate flavored anger along the outsides of my brain, seeping and oozing through the wrinkles, infiltrating my every waking thought with a complete hatred for every single one of you. Hatred so intense has not been seen since the brightest star fell from the heavens, and will not be seen again until existence itself is entirely eradicated.

2003-11-16T02:43:00.000-05:00

Tonight, a special feature
I go through every away message on my buddy list
and leave commentary. This will either be really stupid, or a good idea that i recycle whenever I need content.

larp
...
hug my soul
with nuclear arms? YOU CAN'T HUG YOUR CHILDREN WITH NUCLEAR ARMS.
another failed nap attempt. band til god knows when
Maybe even god doesn't know. Maybe you'll be with this 'band' for all eternity, damned to play your instrument for the devil himself in the depths of hell!... or like you didn't change your away message when you went to sleep.
"A Day in the Life" > "Pretty Fly For a White Guy"
Probably.
doing shit
Descriptive, ain't he? Top it off with the buddy info "none of your damn business", and he's officially succeeded in not telling us anything, and being vulgar about it =(
RThw night eneded in a good way. my 4 weke hiatus has semi ended. Huzzahass.:-$
Huzzahass Indeed. -5 points for using the money smiley.
I'm asleep, but not dreaming of FyreCow...
I hate the %n tag. Mostly because it always hurts my feelings =(
bbs
he said he'd be back soon over 3 hours ago. SOON FOR WHO ASSFACE, MOLASSES MCSLOWBUTT????
the pressure in my chest is almost unbearable...layin down...
What makes this whole thing so bad is that this guy is younger than me. I'd feel better if it was like, someone else's grandpa or someone I didn't care about. I don't know why someone else's Grandpa would be on my buddy list, but you get the idea. Get better, man.
Im currently trying 2 sleep. SO LEAVE ME ALONE!
I know what you're thinking, and I don't know his phone number, and where the hell would I get a chicken and THAT much rope from at this hour? =(
Suck my kiss.
Well, I never!
Sleeping alone makes me sad. :-(
Aww. No. Sorry. Still can't make a smartass remark. It still just makes me sad =(
i am fuckd up man, mavn, fucking cuedked up. night all, if you bot gboobites, you are goregeous, otherwise, night.
If more people were as drunk as you, I wouldn't have to make snide remarks to keep this interesting.
what a lame bus driver.....
What's interesting is, coherent as that away message is, there's a reasonable chance this guy had just as much to drink as the last.
night
hardly! ho ho.
Someone needs to translate the Architect's little speech into smaller words. What a pompous prick. Can't understand a damn thing that he says.
Fucking jejune rhodomontade, it is!
yep
k
sleepin, then drivin back to philly so i can finish the year

because ben told sam and sam told me to
well sam told ben to tell phil to tell me that sam told ben that phil should tell me to move to california instead. so hah!
Watching American Beauty while I drift off...
You really could just tie the boat down. We wouldn't mind.
This is my overnight message. I am most likely in bed, asleep. Good night.
But you could be.. on the streets, feasting on the innocent!
LARP!!!
Its amazing i talk to these people.
Getting ready for the LARP, then LARPing.
I seriously hate you guys.
Because the world is cruel
And promises are broken
Don't try to tell me anything
Don't try to tell me you'll be true to me
You know the real truth is never spoken
And I know the world is cold
But if you hold on tight to what you have
Okay you're getting cut off right there because you're taking up a lot of space and lyrics will provide me with nothing. And you're probably doing this damned LARP thing too so your entire away message doesn't get shown anyways.
gone 2 see silent muse iN cville!
If only that was silent moose. this world would be a cooler place.
hey, im away from my computer right now. on a sidenote, i am eagerly anticipating this game like a true fanboy....HURRY UP, DAMN POSTAL WORKERS...grrr...
'this game' is a link to legacyofkain.com. and the postal workers dropped his copy, and it broke into a million pieces. I asked them.
You can't silence the voice of the voiceless (I lost my voice today weee!). (I'm away)
I'm so not dignifying that with a response. Beyond this.
It's cold outside. That means my face is dry and gross.

I'm going to go to sleep early. Yep.
What'd be funny is if this was a guy. And instead of going to sleep early, he bought a huge fucking killer golden retriever snake hybrid and was fighting it off with what he could find in the kitchen, and all he could find was a ladle he had to tear from the corpse of his recently deceased best friend, who was killed when the dog wrapped its deadly snakelike body around him, began to suffocate him, and then licked him until he drowned in slobber.
holy shit
as opposed to blasphemous shit.

2003-11-14T13:19:00.000-05:00

Repost: (Not to be confused with RIPOSTE!) Mantis Gag
(illustrations by Tyler)

2003-11-14T02:26:00.000-05:00

boy on a stick and slither.
Awesome comic.
Enjoy.
i decided that, instead of something that even rhymed with 'content', to link you to a bunch of particular strips i found funny. Don't hate me because i'm beautiful, hate me because I actually said that.

http://boasas.com/
http://boasas.com/?c=226
http://boasas.com/?c=228
http://boasas.com/?c=229
http://boasas.com/?c=231
http://boasas.com/?c=232
http://boasas.com/?c=257
http://boasas.com/?c=258
http://boasas.com/?c=274
http://boasas.com/?c=286
http://boasas.com/?c=301

2003-11-05T23:55:00.000-05:00

Today's hate is directed at homestarrunner, the site that is only funny because it'd be a statistical anomally if it wasn't funny once or twice, considering as much as it tries.

2003-11-05T21:52:00.000-05:00

i felt like having something exotic
so i went to the grocery store and bought a soda and some chips
what a sad little existence it is I have here

2003-11-05T21:19:00.000-05:00

A little tip for all of you consumers out there who've had a bad run-in with a store:
By the time you ask for a manager, you've already lost.
By the time you've gone from the people who know what they're talking about to the people who make sure those previous people know what they're talking about, but don't necessarily know any of it, you've already lost your case. Managers don't make special exceptions, and rarely know much more about the situation than the last person you dealt with. Nine times out of Ten, the manager isn't going to tell you anything different from the last person in the line. They're not going to help you, and they've not going to fix anything. By the time you've gotten to the point where you're fed up with being contradicted and want to speak to a manager, you've already exhausted your case. You've lost, and you're going to take up someone else's time, so you can have someone who gets paid more tell you what you just heard. You also have to understand that the vast majority of the retail world is NOT out to get you. Thats illegal. I know that just because your tv didn't come in you suddenly believe the world is ending and that the store who you were supposed to pick it up from has actually decided to single you out and concentrate the efforts of several associates and a manager just to fuck you out of a measy $500 that we can't legally keep and you could just as easily reclaim, but i'd like you to, if just for a second, consider the rationality behind your thoughts.

2003-11-02T01:46:00.000-05:00

haha, sorry about the last post
wanted to see your reactions
anyways

its time for a blog/livejournal game! these are always so cool!
instructions: Answer only in song titles from one certain band/artist (different from the person you got it from).
APHEX TWIN

1. Are you male or female? Cock/Ver 10
2. Describe yourself. Gwely Mernans
3. How do some people feel about you? Gwarek 2
4. How do you feel about yourself? Beskhu3epnm
5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: Vordhosbn
6. Where would you rather be? Lornaderek
7. Describe what you want to be: Ziggomatic V17
8. Describe how you feel about your family: Father
9. Describe how you live: Bbydhyonchord
10. Describe how you love: Omgyjya Switch
11. Share a few words of wisdom: Kladfvgbung Micshk

2003-11-01T04:34:00.000-05:00

It starts with
One thing / I donat know why
It doesnat even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
Itas so unreal
Didnat look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / but didnat even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everyting inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried
So hard
One thing / I donat know why
Doesnat even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this ryme
To explain in due time
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your propertee
Remembering all the times you fought with me
Iam surprised it got so far
Things arenat the way they were before
You wouldnat even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesnat even matter
I had to fall
And lose it all
But in the end
It doesnat even matter
I put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
Theres only one thing you should know

2003-10-28T13:14:00.000-05:00

Do you ever wonder if, when we're not looking, seahorses ever put on cowboy hats, pick up six shooters and run around yelling "PUT 'EM UP, PARTNER!" amongst themselves? Then you're probably a goddamned freak because jesus christ seahorses don't have hands you sick evolutionist bastard =(

2003-10-26T12:34:00.000-05:00

KAMIKAZE
IT IS SPELLED
KA MI KA ZE
K A M I K A Z E
KAMIKAZE
none of you have an excuse to misspell it any longer
so fucking stop.
or i'll punch you.

2003-10-19T00:10:00.000-04:00

god i'm such a mess
and right now the only thing keeping me going
is this.
http://weebl.fluent.ltd.uk/toons/21/

2003-10-13T23:02:00.000-04:00

Due to popular demand, the poorly drawn duck, complete with the accompanying away message:

For undetermined reasons, I'm in class. Take any personal issues up with the poorly drawn duck.
(o)<
( )
- -

2003-10-05T02:05:00.000-04:00

ATTN: Louisiana or whoever the FUCK decided hot wings should be anywhere near as god damn spicy as the one i just had

I fucking hate you all. Seriously, i hope you all fucking get conjunctivitis or something equally annoying, because god damn i still can't feel my lips. And don't even get me started on attempting to urinate after the digestion of such an abomination. Fuck every last one of you creole cocksuckers.

in other news.. i got to see Ozma live last sunday with Sara.. that was a blast, Ozma excels beyond nifty into a zone only known as.. the zone beyond the zone in which things are nifty. They are an ascended form of nifty. Check their mp3.com page out and download some of the songs up there.. whatever they have.. if possible, korobeiniki and domino effect are nifty.. the first, you may just recognize. But seriously. Ozma is great. and since they're covered on Kung Fu records, they're not horribly difficult to find, and you could do so at say, best buy or borders. Not sure why I've become an advertisement
but Ozma is grand.
Truly.

Hm, what else..
wow, nothing to rant about. at the moment.
evil glare.
oh yeah
best duck ever.

2003-09-25T13:14:00.000-04:00

I wanna start a counter-counter culture movement. I want to wear a trucker hat inside out and backwards. I want to wear brightly colored clothing professing my love for humanity. I'll not listen to music - at all, so i can't be labeled. I will drink Tab soda, despite how horrible it apparently is, because it isn't beer, and more specifically not pabst. I will travel alone at all times. I will write poetry about sunshine, lollipops, rainbows, candydrops, and free medicare. I will go out of my way to support established government whenever possible -- I will explain the necessity of "the machine". I will pretend to care what people think, and actually, honestly not. I'll claim that I'm moving to the mexico if the draft comes -- because its the opposite direction of canada. I will write in my weblog how much I hate people who try to fit in by not fitting in. I will make a bunch of declarations, and keep none of them.

2003-09-21T01:08:00.000-04:00

[Edit: I lost interest in what i was writing and came up with a new topic halfway through, it is below this post]

a little Pulp to start things off.

This is the sound of someone losing the plot - making out that they're okay when they're not.
You're gonna like it, but not a lot the chorus goes like this...

I hate anime fans with a passion.

There is really no extent to which I don't dislike them. there are many groups, but none of them is especially more tolerable than the other. While they are all unique in their interests and flaws, they're all equally abhorrable. And still I subject myself to anime conventions, where thousands of the festering little scumpiles congregate and remind anyone with common sense of the ever-present threat of the japanese alien robots slowly taking over our minds and enslaving us so as to produce even more unappealing fetish porn involving men in trenchcoats taking pictures of girls in school uniforms on crowded trains in tokyo. And only tokyo. It is important to know your enemy before you combat them. Thats why I have created this report, so that you will know the foes you face as you join us in the patriotic battle against impending robotic yellow doom.

Name: Otaku Fanboy
They're easy to spot. And even easier to make fun of. They're pasty white, overweight, and have the social skills of an autistic child with a brain tumor the size of Laos. While they generally aren't a threat, they can be a MAJOR annoyance. While generally avoiding conversation with them is the best approach, there are times it may be inevitable. And god is it annoying. You'll hear everything you made it a point of not bothering to find out about every anime you've ever seen (bad) fanart of. Don't let this fool you into thinking they know much of anything, however. They read it all on a web forum, and may or may not have actually seen the anime. It is a horrid fallacy to think there's a possibility of intelligent life in all of this memorization -- there is no analysis, no comprehension, just storage. If you disagree with them, well, you're wrong, because they have no grounds upon which to consider your opinion. A special warning about these creatures is to be directed towards females -- if you do so much as glance at something anime related, their poor, overcrowded minds fill in some blanks instead of considering possible answers for them. These assumptions generally occur in the place of some or all of the following questions:
Is this girl single?
Would this girl mind if I blatantly hit on her?
Do I have anything interesting to say? (Note: this is questionable of all times)
Does she really give a fuck about whatever I have to say?
Does she have a concept of personal space extending beyond 2 inches from her?
Did I shower this week?

Name: IRC Anime Enthusiast
These are interesting folk - in person at a con, you may not recognize them, or even be incredibly driven away from them. They will be holding a sign with something scrawled across it that you can only assume is an inside joke that couldn't possibly be funny to you, even if it was explained to you by means of time travel and mind transplantation. You'll avoid them because you don't get it, and you have no idea what #SuperAnimeFans2kkawaii means anyways. The problem becomes when you meet them on their natural habit, irc. They peruse many different networks, and some have even spread to other platforms of file "sharing". If "arrogant" and "suck" had an illicit affair and produced offspring, it would be IRC anime fans. Sure. Not all are bad. But they don't count under this designation. You (may) know who I'm talking about. The people with a scarcely rivaled mixture of arrogance and ignorance, immediate xenophobia impressive of a caucasian obsessed with anything that comes out of asia, 5,000 cds of anime, and a dsl line with 15kB/s of upstream. If you wish to acquire anime from them, you'll be impressed at how difficult it is. Nobody 'shares' anime anymore. Long gone are the days when people could actually upload reasonably fast, and allowed more than 1 send slot, and more than 10 queues. They remain at their computers all day, waiting to get into another anime enthusiasts equally poorly planned fileserver queuing system for one oversized episode of an anime that probably isn't all that good to begin with. They establish arbitrary definitions of what they call a 'leecher', a "worthless appendage on the anime distribution community who contributes nothing", which ranges anywhere from not uploading whatever they want whenever they want it(because everyone has the anime you want, believe me), or chatting in their boring and exclusive channel. There is a hierarchy among them, the highest of which, those who call themselves 'ops', are the worst of their kind. They monitor these pools of filth, enforcing whatever rules they've decided are reasonable today, and abusing their power over the channel whenever it is humanly possible, and even at times when it is only possible for an evil asian-engineered cyborg to. They feel no need to accomodate your suggestions, thoughts, or even pleas, because they're serving and if you don't like it, its your problem. The people who convince themselves that 'sharing' anime is their social service to man, but yet constantly complain about how annoying it is, and how much they dislike it, and the people they have to deal with. (more on this trait exemplified in general humanity soon!)

but casual fans are okay.
i guess.

But i'm tired of expressing my hate and warnings for now. So more later. maybe.

[Note: The preface to this rant is from the song "The Fear" by Pulp, a song that is very possibly satire of melodrama and its perpetrators. Full lyrics will follow. Interpret their pertinence as you will.

This is our "Music from A Bachelors Den" -
the sound of loneliness turned up to ten.
A horror soundtrack from a stagnant water-bed
And it sounds just like this.
This is the sound of someone losing the plot -
making out that they're okay when they're not.
You're gonna like it,
but not a lot
and the chorus goes like this:

Oh baby,
here comes the fear again.
The end is near again.
A monkey's built a house on your back.
You can't get anyone to come in the sack
and here comes another panic attack
Oh here we go again.

So now you know the words to our song,
pretty soon you'll all be singing along.
When you're sad, when you're lonely
and it all turns out wrong.
When you've got the fear.
And hen you're no longer searching
for beauty or love -
just some kind of life
with the edges taken off.
When you can't even define what it is that you're frightened of
this song will be here.

Oh baby,
here comes the fear gain.
The end is near again.
If you ever get that chimp off your back.
If you ever find the thing that you lack
but you know you're only having a laugh
and here we go again.
Until the end.

]

2003-09-21T00:55:00.000-04:00

It is a pecular habit of humans to place themselves in situation where they wish nothing but to bitch about their current situation. Everyone does it on a broad level, and i've come to accept it as commonplace. But there are some for whom the self inflicted burdens of daily life just isn't enough. Oh no. there must be something else. Its actually somewhat genuinely interesting, outside of my sarcastic use of the word, because it seems pretty common just the same. People thrive on the negatives, and will do nothing but complain about things. Some things are emotional or mental, and fall into that broader 'can't do much about them without completely changing your outlook on life' category. But these aren't what truly pique my interest. I'm talking about people who take up side activities, almost soley for the purpose of informing us all how annoying and stupid they are. This was very prominent in my highschool. People would take up extracurricular activities, extra from their schoolwork and nearly fulltime jobs(the latter of which may or may not have been necessary, either-- my school feeds from some fairly well off areas), and do nothing but whine of them. Things like crew, marching band or any other generic extra curricular. This may be entirely related to the fact that people have a tendency to accentuate the negative, but i dunno. You never hear how much fun these activities are, ever. You never hear how they're enriching or enlightening activities, how the people in question have made friends through them, or the like. All you hear is how much of an asshole the coach is, how unreasonable the practice hours are, how they can't manage work and school and this activity, how there is too much going on in their life, and how much their hands/feet/mouths hurt. It also becomes an all purpose excuse. No matter what, you were busy with your extracurricular, its a place for you to hide. They do nothing but bellyache of their gripes and pains because of this activity they have DIRECTLY CHOSEN to be a part of. Its not like its part of how their mind works, their mental condition, or whatever. Its just a trivial activity that doesn't really matter.
Highschool was a very easy example for me, because its one of the few places i've been very well acquainted with it, but I've not seen reason to believe it doesn't still exist if you look for it. This was mentioned of irc anime enthusiasts in an earlier entry. (its technically later, but since they're being published almost simultaneously, this will be read afterwards, but should be dated as earlier. head explodey?). They serve their anime collection, they provide a completely voluntary service to the community, and complain about it, how people use it, and the sort. They could've just as easily not fucking bothered, and be happier without that blemish upon their life.
So why the hell do you do it?

2003-09-12T18:17:00.000-04:00

I'm so out of material.
Recently, I wasted a small portion of my life on a web forum. I visit them on occassion, but usually in a very pointed fashion. Go in, get the funny or the information, and leave. Never bothered regularly posting on one. Though I knew that as soon as I did, a certain behavior would annoy me. And so it has. There's nothing I hate more than when people use an image, not even created by themself, to reply to a post. On occassion they're funny, but if every single thread has twelve different renditions of equally unimaginative OWNED image, and people just continue not putting forth any significant intellectual effort to reply or add to the discussion, it starts to get out of hand, and get really fucking annoying. It got out of hand, and really fucking annoying. So I decided to make a silent stand. Instead of bitching about it, to which they could merely reply with another lame image, I found a better approach. Fight fire with fire. Make horribly inane images for use on the webboard and consistently use them in the stead of an actual message. Eventually it worked, people got angry at me for continually using stupid images, and a lesson was probably completely ignored, but at least sufficiently conveyed.
With no further ado, my opus of ms paint annoyance. (My apologies to any 56k visitors, this may take a while)

2003-09-01T02:08:00.000-04:00

[this makes more sense if you've seen this http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/video/tokyo_breakfast.php]

"Your internet is down, nigaa!
Motherfucking Christopher Newport IT department
one lazy nigaa!"

2003-08-19T00:51:00.000-04:00

It must be really nice. It must just be plain fucking super to not feel any moral obligation, have no real sense of right, and know whats best for the world within yourself. To know that nobody is going to care if you cheat when nobody is looking, steal when nobody is watching, and skip out on a check when the waitress forgets you. I really wish I didn't give a fuck about anybody but myself, so I could fit in with everyone else. But I do care. and I do feel moral obligation. So i'll always feel awkward. And I'll always be the odd man out, keeping you back because I'm not willing to compromise my integrity.

Good thing you're all going off to college so I can't keep you back any longer. Maybe while you're at it you can forget I exist so I don't have to be put in these fucking awkward situations. Its not like I want to be the bad guy, but I figure i'm the lesser of two evils. though still evil. Its not like anybody's gonna thank me for it. Wonder why I bother.

I dunno if I can pretend to fit in anymore.

2003-08-07T01:15:00.000-04:00

I really don't expect anyone to get this joke, but, I enjoyed it greatly at its conception.

(hold your mouse over the image to admit defeat)

2003-07-29T19:49:00.000-04:00

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Humorous parts in bold

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2003-07-23T13:34:00.000-04:00

Best misquotation ever:

"Your Karma shot my Dog"
- Mom
(god love her.)

2003-07-22T22:51:00.000-04:00

So a gay man, a blonde, a priest, and my router walk into a bar, right?
...
I don't know where this is going, but I really fucking hate my router.

in other news, um.. I hate reality tv. I know its kind of cliche, but I like to think I'm original because I hate just about everything. I've begun referring to it (in a manner only I would consider clever)as 'regurgitation tv', because quite honestly, It's a major network puking our lives back up and feeding it to us on a plate. The difference is, the names have been changed to protect the incredibly easily offended. I don't understand why people watch this stuff, but I guess its my interpersonal nature kicking in and feeling bad for people, but..
I dunno. Put yourself in their shoes next time you're thinking about watching a show.
"Oh boy! This is the episode where the love of my life cheats on me with a lisping Mexican! Pedro's such a ladykiller! I can't wait to see the look on my face when she tells me! I'll be devastated! And after that, Shaquita is going to have a 5 minute monologue interview in which she calls me a bitch more times than was previously considered possible! There's nothing like tension in a house full of whiny young adults who have to work together to solve some whacky mystery put together by those geniuses at the big network. I would take my hat off to you, sirs, had I not lost it in the challenge in which we had to mount mating elephants for a dismal cash prize!"

2003-07-17T23:10:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, I feel as though I have lost my way. I wonder why I continue to wander through this life, journeying blindly towards a goal nobody has discovered.
And then I find something like this, and it makes it all better.

2003-07-11T22:06:00.000-04:00

Leaving for vacation tomorrow.. 8 hours on the road.. thats a third of a day. Yeesh. Gonna be so close to south carolina it feels stupid to still call it north. anyways, figured i'd write a little to make up for my likely 5 day absence.

I passed by a church that was advertising its bible studies summer school, with a "wild west" theme. I can only imagine.
[The scene is Ol' Golgotha, home to the hangins of the most ruthless villains around. There wasn't but a few men in town who knew the truth about Jesus the kid, and nunnathem dared say a word.]
As tumbleweed rolled insignificantly by, the executioner spat off the side of his raised, wooden platform.
"Welp, Jesus, I reckon its up ta me to hang ye. I know yer innocent, but damned if imma tell them townfolks that. Yer just gunna hafta grin n bear it," stated reverend Pilot in a drawled, matter of factly tone.
Standing on the block, noose tied tightly around his neck, Jesus the kid said to the ladies through their tears, "Don't ya'll daughters of jerusalem worry y'selves bout me none. I reckon its yer youngins you oughta be lookin out fer. The time will come when it will be said, "blessed are the barren and the paps that never gave suck. At that time they will say, Fall on us and to the hills, cover us." If them Jews're capable o' doin this in the green tree, whacha reckon they gonna do in dry?
Shortly after that, a pack of wandering romans rode in on their horses, and offered Jesus some whiskey mixed with myrrh from their flasks, but he ain't drink none of it. Shortly thereafter, Pilot showed up, and nailed a sign to the side of the gallows, with the same message sloppily scrawled across it in black paint, and three different tongues.
" This is Jesus The Kid, of Nazareth
Baddest Hombre of all Judeans.
Este es Jesus el cabrito, de Nazareth
Estoy el pato del futuro
C'est Jesus l'enfant, de Nazareth
Je n'aime pas le porc.
"

I just see that idea being, largely, a failure. There isn't much market for golden gallows necklaces with jesus in a cowboy hat hanging from them. Though I'd buy one in a heartbeat.

in other news.. apparently the sonsabitches at the urinalysis clinic decided that me waiting there for an entire day to finally be able to force myself to pee on an otherwise empty bladder was too good of an opportunity to not cease for a practical joke in LOSING MY FUCKING RESULTS. I seriously have no idea wtf could've happened to it besides someone there being a dipshit. So, this time I went in with Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and a 64 oz cup from Sheetz, filled with Mountain Dew LiveWire.. though I don't think my sight gag elicited a single giggle from my fairly grim looking audience in the office.
Oh, yeah. for those who aren't being updated for some reason.. I got a job at best buy. Or will have one, once Quest Diagnostics decides that they're done losing my drug test samples. Nyurgh.

In other, trivial, unrelated, and mostly gag-related (so don't kill me Sara) news,
Who the hell said the french were worthless?

seeya later.

2003-07-11T01:23:00.000-04:00

thinking back on how lucky I am..
I must say there's an immense amount of fortune in finding someone who, on an occassion one could easily designate as a date, where I had removed the plastic sword from my fancy drink, held it over the candle in the middle of the table, took it out and began smacking it with a fork, upon response to her inquiry of what the hell I was doing received the answer "Tempering my sword, for I am a black smith!", with only a slight shade of embarassment at the absurdity of her date, was able to appreciate my humor.
That was also a test to see if I could tell an entire story in one sentence. I can't make any promises about it being fully grammatically correct.. but I like to think I did a pretty good job on it.
And Sara rocks.

2003-07-09T01:18:00.000-04:00

This website amuses me for reasons unknown. Have sound enabled for it to stand any chance of being funny.
"Verisign is a bad company!"
I dunno. I find it humorous in a sense strangely related to the gag illustrated this site. Don't blame me for finding humor in strange things.
alternatively.. Verisign is a BAD company! No biscuit!

2003-06-26T04:47:00.000-04:00

It just occurred to me that as of late, I don't think i've been exercising my hate enough. I lose the abilities bestowed upon me by the "Cynic" totem if I am not properly exercising my duties of hating just about everything. For fear of both the loss of powers, and atrophy of my hate muscle, I had to find something, and fast. Then it hit me. Write someone an email ENTIRELY IN SARCASM. This may sound like an easy feat, but I hope to dissuade you from such beliefs with my COMPLETELY SARCASTIC fan-mail letter, with biting satire, sarcasm, and subtle mockery all the way to the email address I designed specifically for my piece de resistance of hate.
The undertaking of such a magnificent display of anger and cynicism would require the utlimate fodder. A target I could berate directly with such ease, in so many aspects, that I would be able to compliment it on its shortcomings. I could not be properly prepared for what I would receive.
ANTI - prep - http://www.angelfire.com/rebellion/cram/prep.html.
You don't need to read it all, and I reccomend for your sanity you skip between paragraphs and pages like I did. You get the basic jist of what he's saying without having to take it in directly. Pace yourself. Even with these precautions, attempt to mentally compose hatemail to "Stevo" that doesn't include ANYTHING directly caustic. No "I hate you", No "Die" (in contexts such as "Please -" or "The world would be a cleaner, happier place if you were to just -"), No elaborate directions on how to pursue something to make his life worthwhile(like getting aids), and most importantly, not once should you call him ignorant. Period. And then make it over a page long. Without too much repetitive bullshit. Short of possibly failing the last condition (I leave this decision to you, the reader).. I was somehow able to complete this gauntlet.
Having read too much of the abominationWEBPAGE in question, I feel my hard work may go unappreciated. Without further ado.. I submit to you my untitled epiphany of hate.

To: waitandbleed23@aol.com
From: waitandbleed234852@hotmail.com

HEY! I just wanted to mail you about your AWSOME SIET, ANTI-PREP!!!1
For starters, I agREe completely that prePpies cannot accept change! I know EVERY preppie in the wORld and I have put them ALL through this test. EVERY ONE acted the same! WHAT LIVESTOCK.
I also haet how they ALL where eteh same closes! Theair so unoriginal. Thats why I'm a indie raver metal goth punk kid head. I buy all my clothes at hot topic, because all of they're clothes are original and nobody else buys them.
I really cherish my originality, thats why its so annoying when preps hate me 4 it. Nothing is more annoying than being laughed at for wearing something new and avant garde like a black slipknot shirt, black pants, and spikes! they're ALL SHEEPS. Again, in my relationship with EVERYONE who has EVER bought a shirt from the gap, I can honestly say that all of them only bought it because their friend bought it. But then, i wondar who told them to buy it lol! i bet it was jesus. RELGION IS DUMB.
BUt dont let the man kep you down. Adults don't understand us because we're different. Don't let them stop you. As soon as you stop fighting conformity, you become part of it. Only by following the lead of our great goth ancestors can we truly be individuals.
ITS SO ANNOYING that preps always get there way. this one time a preppy kid in my school (OH MY GOD PREP HIGH!!!1) told the teachers he was dead, and that my best friend killed him. THEY BELIEFED HIM AND NOW MY ONLY FRIEND IS IN JAIL BECAUSE HE LIKES KORN.
I HAET how they ahve so much money. ITS STUPID that society has things like that, where you can just have whatever ur want because you're a fucking rich brat. AGain, this is why Hot Topic is my only god(BECAUSE I HATE RELIGON) because they'ire clothes are affordably priced and original.
BUT ANYWAys keep all the hate man. Hate keps you strong. STrong people aren't sheeps, they become wolves, and they will rise up and devour those not weak enough to deserve living!
MOST ALL GOTHS ARE NICE. WE'RE GOOD PEPLE AND THEIR BAD AND THE4Y ARE FUCKING STUPID. GOTHS ARE NICE. PREPS ARE DUMB. END.
THEY DON'T DESERVE TO WEAR CLOTHE4S FROM HOT TOPIC. HOT TOPIC HAS ORIGINAL DESIGNS AND CLOTHING AND SHEEPS BAAA SHOULDN'T SHOP THERE BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO STUPID TO WEAR OUR CLOTHES. IF YU DON'T LISTEN TO GOTH BANDS LIKE SLIPKNOT AND KORN AND MARILYN MASNON AND MY FAVROTIE BAND, THE ONE WHO SINGS LET THE BODYS HIT THE FLOOR, THEN GO KILL URSELFFFF. So i can feast upon your remains. Or raise ur corpse and make u a zombie to maek a staetment to any smart preps (LOL OX MORON) OUT THERE TO CHAnge their waYS.

By the by, for completeness sake, I think mayhaps this email would belong in the 'hate mail' section of the site. I don't know why since I totally agree with you and everything you've ever said, now and before now, because I can feel your shining, excellent, outstanding soul through your words, but somewhere, I see the universe being more fit if my support were to be displayed to balance out the presence of those less fortunate souls, blessed with the ignorance of being a sheep, rather than the torment of understanding humanity's pain.

2003-06-21T05:59:00.000-04:00

Once every 6 months or so, I turn the channel to MTV to see if its been taken over by a retarded dingo, or really any form of new ownership that would make it better than its been for the past like 7 years.
I saw a black man who looked like he had eaten any and all razors and the people behind them who had tried to trim his nappy, disgusting mounds of facial hair(and believe me, there had to have been quite a few attempts), rapping about how good he is at basketball. or something equally stupid.
Where's that fucking dingo.
See you guys in 6 months.

2003-06-16T22:28:00.000-04:00

The Adventures of Emo-Goth!
My dead girlfriend won't answer my seances. I think she's cheating one me with another cadaver! Woe is me. Girls are evil. Yeah.

2003-06-16T21:53:00.000-04:00

I was keeping up with my side hobby of being A HORRIBLE SOFTWARE PIRATING BLEMISH ON SOCIETY, and downloaded "The Next Tetris" for my favorite undead gaming platform, the Sega Dreamcast. It's like a zombie. Which is pretty cool.
anyways.. since 1337WAREZ comes with a .nfo file, and because i like to read the little things where they say BTW IF YOU RUN THIS FILE THE WORLD IMPLODES and unimportant little things like that everyone else skips over, I checked it out. I could not be properly prepared.
(apologies for the shitty formatting on the ascii graphics. You're missing out on a poorly drawn asian man and a bowl of rice.
"

/ / ________ / \ ____ _______
| \ / \ / | / _ | |\ | / \ / | | / \ |
| |/ | /____________________\ |__ | | | | |
| / | \ / | | | | \_/ |
| |\ \ | \ / | | | \ /
| | \ \ | | | | / _ | | \ \ | _______ / | | | / \ |
| | \ \ \ / ---- --- | \_/ |
|__| \__\ \_______/ |_______| \________/

GIVES U ON DEC. 22ND - 2K:

TETRiS ONLiNE EDiTiON [USA/NTSC]
RARS: 2 x 20MBz

-_-no musics again. SAVE R18 !!!

..but.. !! ^_______________^;;

i play online !! from TAIWAN !! ME R18 TAIWAN !! keke game work good
online ! i connect say "kekeke" m8 say "^_^;;; tetris" and play !!
keke fun ! ^^;; :DDDDD

no musics -_- but fun online plays ! :DDD

INFO:
~~~~~

i play phantasy star online :~ from TAIWAN ! me R18 at TAIWAN ! keke
work fine ? why you dumb americens say no works ?? haha stupid !!!
R18 TAIWAN play game good ! funs online ! keke ^_____^;;;

R18 FTP SIDES:

ABBREVIATION - NAME - SIDEOP - POSITION
---------------------------------------
CA - CARDIAC ARREST - ACILL - WHQ
TF - THE FLASH - SHEEPZ - NHQ

GET OUR WAREZ ON THESE SIDES ONLY! AIGHT.

( ( ( (
) ) ) )
( ( ( (
) ) ) )
_____________________________
| |
\ /
\ /
\______________________/

GoT RiCE??!!!!! (C) R18 2000!!!!!!!!!!
"

2003-06-14T03:56:00.000-04:00

After leaving the National Theatre in Washington DC tonight, having just seen a live performance of Chicago(which was rather enjoyable, I might add), I saw a sign in front of a restaurant that read:
"Honest Food, Real Beer"
Now, Maybe I'm alone on this one, but I'm a large believer in Ignorance being bliss. I'd like DIShonest food. When my underpaid foodwench brings me my dinner, I'd much rather my plate say to me,
"Hey, whats up man? Lookin' good! Just wanted to let you know not to worry, because I'm cooked all the way through! And there's no such thing as a disgruntled cook here, so the little lady's clam chowder is a-okay."
than.. say
"... Well well well, look what the cat dragged in. Has anyone ever told you that you look like a young George Clooney? Didn't figure as much. Yeah.. I'm disease city. Every chef in the place sneezed on me, twice. And you're paying double the going price for half of a normal serving. But hey, don't let that get you down. At least you're not eating the lobster."

2003-06-10T16:59:00.000-04:00

"Dude, have you ever looked inside a roach hotel? There's little beds and everything!"

2003-05-25T21:08:00.000-04:00

Social commentary.

This is it. These would be her big moment. Little Nicole, having just reached her fourteenth month of existence in this vast and peculiar world, had just discovered she was able to stand upright, with the aid of the red leather couch upon which her and her parents had spent so much time sitting around, staring at a box of glowing light and infinite sound.. Now, she would do as the adults she so admired did so frequently. She would walk. Adults got everywhere by walking, and so quickly. No more of this hands and knees nonsense. Nicole was ready to join the real world. She slowly inched her left foot out, the padded foot of her sleeper made a surprising thump onto the ground as her weight transferred. She let go of the couch, and slowly dragged her right foot forward. Staring at her feet, she was oblivious to the entranced staring of her parents. She was shocked by the speed with which the weight her leg previously support surged into her left leg. Unaware of how to compensate for this sudden imbalance, she plunged face first into the ground.
"HAHAHAHA FUCKIN NEWB!" her father rang out, shortly followed by her mother's betrayal, "ROFL!"
*** User Nicole has been banned from channel #Life